Cycle #6

Just a quick post about cycle 6 for us before I go take a nap.
I'm having no hope this cycle. We went skiing for the weekend the weekend before my usual O date. We were sharing a room with another couple, so we didn't have sex. When we go home Sunday, we were so tired and bruised that we didn't have sex. I didn't think it'd matter bc it should have been recreational since I still had a week until ovulation. Keith went to work Monday for duty (meaning he wouldn't come home until 5pm-ish the next day) and I happened to get a positive OPK. Just my luck..
We had sex Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. FF predicts O (on OPKs alone, no temps this cycle) to be on Tuesday.
In a nutshell, our timing sucks. I'll probably test every day anyways because I want to get my progesterone drawn (I couldn't care less to get my HCG levels since I bet that will just drive me mad) if I'm actually pregnant. I'm taking a B complex, so hopefully my LP is a little longer. My typical LP puts my period due to arrive Saturday or Sunday (depending on O, which I'm not positive about since I didn't temp)
I have enjoyed the temping break, but I think I'll temp next cycle at least until O is confirmed.

2012 can suck it so far

It has been six months since that awful u/s. While I am doing better, I'm not better. If that makes any sense at all. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. 2011 was by far the worst year of my life. I feel horrible saying that because Keith and I got engaged and married in 2011. But all of the underways in the midst of me getting pregnant, miscarrying, and grieving were so, so hard on me.
I really thought 2012 would be better. On December 28, I got another positive pregnancy test just two days after one of the greatest nights of my life (our wedding). I started off doubting that I would be able to have a baby in September. I think I was trying to protect myself with those thoughts. After we moved to CT a few days later, I started feeling hopeful. I let Keith touch my belly and I started fantasizing about the upcoming months. Then the tests never got darker. Then I got a negative test. Then I started bleeding. The day after I decided that I would allow myself to get excited and love my baby. If there's a god out there that really listens to people's thoughts and prayers, then fuck him for that.
I started the second day of the new year miscarrying my baby.
I have been grieving a bit differently this time. While I still have hurt and sadness, I mainly deal with anger/bitterness (if that's a word) and a lot of anxiety and questioning. I am scared to go through this again and again. I wanted a big family, but I don't know if I can do this 3-4 times.
I'm gonna update the look of this blog. I probably won't share it with anyone until we get far into a successful pregnancy though. I'm not sure I'm ready to let anyone in on my thoughts just yet, even strangers.

All I have to show for my second pregnancy