9w0d

I started spotting brown Tuesday night. I flipped my shit and sobbed for a bit. The next day I was feeling slightly better about it. I called the doctors office and the nurse said pelvic rest, no exercise, and that it was probably just from the ultrasound and internal exam. But I continued to have it all the way until yesterday (Saturday). I was feeling pretty down about it too.

WELL, I haven't had any brown in my discharge or anything today AND I found the heartbeat on the Doppler tonight! AHHHHH!!!! It was only about 20-30 seconds at most, but I swear I got butterflies! Then, baby moved behind the sound of my heartbeat which was super loud. I am feeling so much more confident now after a rough week!

Anyways, not much else has happened this week since my butt has stayed planted on my couch since Tuesday :P

How far along?  9w0d
Symptoms? just fatigue and I had spotting this week. Tonight I am so gassy and it is SO loud (like in my stomach, not passing any gas). I'm glad I'm home tonight!
Total weight gain/loss?  Down around 6-7lb
Maternity clothes?  I bought some maternity pants yesterday! SO comfy!
Sleep?  I sleep as much as possible
Best moment last week? ultrasound of course!
Movement?  Not for a while, I'm sure.
Food cravings?  none this week
Gender? I'm thinking girl. We will likely find out at 16w again
Belly button in/out? In for a long time.
What I miss: an appetite
What I am looking forward to: My next ultrasound
Milestones: I've officially passed my loss milestone and I've confirmed baby is still kicking away in there since! Next would probably be 2nd tri!

8w1d

So I will get it right out and say that I had my first ultrasound today and there's a baby in there measuring right on track with FF (7w5d) with a HR of 154!

I have not had any symptoms since around my last post at 6w and some change. It had me TERRIFIED. I finally had some nausea Saturday evening and most of the day Sunday. This morning, I threw up in my sink after brushing my teeth. I had some pretty bad urges since I had woken up and I HAD to get the morning breath taste out of my mouth. What sucked the most was I had nothing in my stomach so only a little bile came up and it hurt like a bitch. My heart was pretty damn happy though.

I was a nervous wreck on the way to the appointment. We got there early and they got me back with the nurse within two minutes of sitting in the waiting room. I did sit there for quite a few minutes after I got naked while waiting for the doctor to do my physical exam and then the ultrasound. Once she got the u/s machine, she got right to it. I told her how nervous I was and I can totally tell how sensitive she was to that. She went to the baby right away and I didn't see anything moving and for a few seconds I thought there was no heartbeat. So she said immediately after that thought entered my mind that there was a heartbeat and she was able to zoom in a bit and I could see it beating away. She let us listen to it and I cried a little. It was soooo relieving. Everything looked normal and the baby was measuring a few days behind my LMP, but we are keeping the date the same for now since even those measurements can be a little off.

The best part was that, without me asking, she said she wanted to see me back in 2 weeks to check back in on baby to make sure things are still progressing. She said then she will relax a little. Seriously, she almost sold me on staying with her my whole pregnancy. I feel so incredibly comfortable with her and the care I'm receiving. I felt so at ease and so relieved. I am so happy that she was recommended to me. Now, I have to make the decision on whether I stay and give birth almost an hour away or go to the birth center. I've already decided that I will wait until after the first trimester to make that decision (and I will likely take the tour with the birth center). I'm just so damn happy with my care right now.

I don't have too much else to update. I haven't found baby on the Doppler yet, but I know it's still so early. I will continue trying. So far, I haven't let it worry me that I can't find it so I'm hoping I can continue to be responsible with it lol. My loss milestone based on measurements today, is Wednesday. I am still really nervous, but I'm certainly feeling more comfortable after having this ultrasound even though that wasn't necessarily a guarantee back with my first pregnancy (strong heartbeat at 7w5d and lost the baby at 8w0d). My mantra right now is basically something like my previous pregnancy does not dictate the outcome of this one. I am not doomed because it has happened before. It really is helping me for once to know the "odds."

I'll take a minute just to note how different and similar things are with Jill and this pregnancy with OWTs. I was a sick mess with Jill and only mild nausea occasionally now (although I threw up for the first time earlier this pregnancy) (nausea means girl). HR for Jill was in the 160s and this one 150s (low means girl). I don't remember what I got for Jill on the Chinese gender calendar, but this time I got girl on 3 different ones (I think two of them used my "lunar age" and one used both lunar age and "lunar month" and one used neither). With Jill, I ate all things sweet. This time, I'm really wanting the salty stuff (boy). Overall, I'm thinking it's a girl, but I really wouldn't be shocked if it was a boy. I know OWTs mean nothing and they have a 50/50 chance of being right, but it's still fun! I just have a girl feeling but it's really like a 60/40 feeling. We also supposedly conceived on O-3 which sways for girl according to the shettles method (apparently girl sperm survive longer or something like that)

How far along?  7w5d-8w1d
Symptoms? on and off nausea (more off)
Total weight gain/loss?  Down around 5lb
Maternity clothes?  After today, I'm feeling comfortable enough to make some purchases so I think I might go pick a few things up tomorrow.
Sleep?  I sleep as much as possible. This growing a baby thing is taxing! (also, who am I kidding? I fucking love sleep and I've always loved it!)
Best moment last week? Well, today was pretty fucking awesome!
Movement?  Not for a while, I'm sure.
Food cravings?  I've been wanting salty things like soy sauce-same but not as often
Gender? I'm thinking girl. We will likely find out at 16w again
Belly button in/out? In for a long time.
What I miss: Honestly? NADA
What I am looking forward to: My next ultrasound or finding the baby on the Doppler
Milestones: My next milestone will be Wednesday. I don't think I will find out for another week or more if baby makes it through

6w2d

I am a few days late (or maybe right on time.. we shall see when I get my u/s in 2 weeks. It's 3pm now so technically it is less than 2 weeks away (if only by a few hours). Man, this past week-week and a half has been a rollercoaster. Mainly downs, but a few bouts of hope. My symptoms are here and there. It was actually relieving to go back and read my blog from when I was pregnant with Jill. I guess I am mimicking my feelings and symptoms. Although I haven't had the gaggy/vommy morning sickness yet. I have had bouts of mild nausea in the evenings for I'd say about 3/4 of the nights since I came home from VA (right before 5w), but it has been fewer and far between the past 4-5 days which obv has me freaking out.

I'm having shitty insomnia even when I take unisom, and Jill has been getting up at the crack of dawn almost every day. I wish I could fall asleep earlier. Even when I don't get a nap all day, I still can't fall asleep until 11pm-1am. Last night was especially rough with Jill waking frequently and me having a hard time sleeping. I got tops 5 hours of sleep. And what am I doing now that Jill is napping? Blogging.. my mind has been going a mile a minute since the second I laid down to try to sleep. Oh well. It's just one day of sleep.

I've been having a lot of pulls and cramps today which is oddly reassuring. They aren't cramps like contractions where they come and go regularly so I'm guess that's why I feel good about them. I see it as my uterus is growing. I'm pretty sure I can feel it right behind my bone.

I'm just dying to bust out my doppler. I'm really hoping to find the hb early again like I did with Jill. I have quite a bit more weight on me now though so my expectations are a little lower. That's not going to stop me from trying probably mid-next week. I also know I'm likely a few days behind my LMP so I'm hoping I will be able to keep this all in mind when I'm searching.

I want to get out my feelings about this ultrasound coming up. I was all positive and happy from the time I found out I was pregnant until last Monday (5w1d). I went into my intake appt with the nurse (who was a snatch both times I've ever dealt with her.. her bedside manner can suck a d) feeling fine, and as soon as I walked to my car, I realized I had no milestones or appts or anything pregnancy-related between me and that dreaded ultrasound. It is scheduled for the 21st when I will be anywhere from 7w5d to 8w2d. With my first pregnancy, I had my first u/s and was measuring 7w5d with a healthy hb. I then lost the baby two days later and found out at 8w5d. This stupid ultrasound is smack in the middle of panic zone for me. Yet I cannot bring myself to call and reschedule it for the following week. I have this need to know if the baby is alive in there right now, but I am worried that seeing a baby measure less than 8w1d will give me no reassurance. I know that's stupid. I know that people have missed miscarriages up until even mid-second tri, but those dates are a trigger for me.

I plan on explaining it all to the doctor that day. I plan on telling her that I have a home doppler and how it helped me with my daughter. And I plan on asking her if at any point I have trouble finding the baby on the doppler after my u/s, if I could come in for reassurance. I don't care if I have to pay OOP for an ultrasound.

Every few days I've been POAS still. My stupid wondfos weren't getting any darker so I went out and bought more FRERs and they've brought me so much reassurance. Honestly, wondfos suck ass. They are not the same as they were with Jill. I will post my tests from Jill and my tests from this time. My FRERs have has the test line as dark or darker than the control line for over a week and a half. Wondfos? Yeah, last night was the first time I got a wondfo with equal shades for the test and control. With Jill, that happened at 17dpo. I even blogged about it. I am AT LEAST 26DPO (so 25DPO yesterday). FRER was equal at 15dpo (and was with Jill around the same time.. I only tested at 11 and 16DPO and it was equal for sure at 16DPO)

This pregnancy 6/23 is approx 10-11DPO

Jill's pregnancy

How far along?  6 weeks 2 days approx
Symptoms? extreme fatigue, mild nausea (some days), peeing a little more than normal (but I've been making an effort to drink more too)
Total weight gain/loss?  Down 2.2lb
Maternity clothes?  Not yet. I won't be holding out too long especially if I show early. No sense being uncomfortable!
Sleep?  I sleep as much as possible. This growing a baby thing is taxing!
Best moment last week? Meh
Movement?  Not for a while, I'm sure.
Food cravings?  I've been wanting salty things like soy sauce
Gender? No idea and no intuition this time!
Belly button in/out? In for a long time.
What I miss: Honestly? Not being such a wreck
What I am looking forward to: My ultrasound that is scheduled on July 21st!
Milestones: My next milestone will be to make it past my ultrasound

5w0d

So this is more just a formality.. :P Obv I'm not feeling very differently than I was a few days ago, but here's my 5w post for the sake of having a 5w post.

I'm tired. I don't remember being this tired with Jill. I have been taking naps any time I can. When Keith gets home from work in the morning until he goes to sleep for the day, when Jill takes her nap, and I dose off in the evening on the couch after Keith is awake. Then I'm tired enough to go to bed at a reasonable hour. It is going to be tough when Keith finishes this shift bc he will sleep when I do so I can't take as many naps lol. I've also had some mild nausea in the evenings. No gagging or vomiting yet thank goodness. I don't think I vom'd with Jill until 10w, but I know it didn't stop for 9 weeks. I'm certainly hoping to skip it all, but I'm already feeling nauseous so I doubt I will get to skip it. I didn't feel morning sickness with Jill until 6w on the nose.

I'm still feeling pretty hopeful. Much more so than I remember with any of my other pregnancies (except maybe my first). I am sure shit will change as my ultrasound approaches and the anxiety sky-rockets. I was a hot mess around 7-8w last time emotionally. Crying all of the time. Convinced my baby had passed and I just hadn't lost the pregnancy yet. I don't want to go to that place again. It's one of my darkest that I've ever been in. I'm tearing up just thinking about the shear sadness that I felt.

I don't have a bump and I won't be sharing one unless I get a cute one again lol. I've put on so much weight since having Jill that I don't really feel excited about showing my body from the side.. I mean I still look like I just had her yesterday with this weird saggy stomach I have.

My tests have gotten pretty dark. FRER is officially drawing dye from the control line, the weeks estimator says "2-3w" (it said 1-2w Tuesday morning FMU and 2-3w Friday morning FMU), wondfos don't seem to be as awesome as they were before. I've honestly only used them bc I have 40 or so of them. My wondfos are about as dark as they were at 12DPO with Jill, but my FRERs are as dark as they were at 17DPO (and that's the last day I tested with Jill on FRER). I trust the FRERs so much more anyways so I'm honestly not worried. Just disappointed bc I liked them so much last time.

How far along?  5 weeks 0 days approx
Symptoms? extreme fatigue, mild nausea, peeing a little more than normal (but I've been making an effort to drink more too)
Total weight gain/loss?  I don't want to share my weight, but I've got my base-line for the pregnancy
Maternity clothes?  Not yet. I won't be holding out too long especially if I show early. No sense being uncomfortable!
Stretch marks? Lol I'll be surprised if I can figure out which ones are old or new if I stay pregnant
Sleep?  I sleep as much as possible. This growing a baby thing is taxing!
Best moment last week? it's technically the same week as my last update so I can still use my positive test!
Movement?  Not for a while, I'm sure.
Food cravings?  I had to have pickles last night. Thank goodness I bought some for Jill the other day. Sorry, Jill!
Gender? No idea and no intuition this time! Crammy thinks girl and we're both wondering if this early nausea is a sign of that (;
Belly button in/out? In for a long time.
What I miss: Nothing. I'm like one second pregnant!
What I am looking forward to: My ultrasound that is scheduled on July 21st!
Milestones: My next milestone will be to make it past my ultrasound

I've been taking a B-complex vitamin that makes my urine neon so sorry about the super yellow tests.. Wondfos are hard to read but they are (top to bottom) 6/26 pm, 6/27 FMU, 6/28 pm. I can't put DPO bc I've got about a 5 day window so I don't know.

4w3d?

Here we go again. Pregnancy number 5. Seriously.. That seems ridiculous to me, but it is what it is.

So, HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!
I'm actually feeling really good. My chart was all wonky and says I'm not that far along, but how would I get this beauty at 10dpo?! (Bottom test. Top is 11 DPO)

So I'm going by LMP until I have my dating ultrasound. Those lines alone put me past my two chemical pregnancies. I didn't have lines like that until mid-4 weeks with Jill so I am feeling on cloud 9! I am obviously still very skeptical and nervous since my first pregnancy went to 8w. At most I am 4w3d and at least I am 3w5d (what FF says I am).

I am seriously shocked. I left for Virginia to visit family thinking I hadn't even ovulated yet and I got crosshairs a few days later. Keith's schedule made sex before my trip difficult so I thought this cycle was wasted. I had a temp jump Monday morning and FF said I was 10dpo and I was drinking so the impatient tester in me went and bought the tests. I am pretty sure I literally said "no shit!" when I saw how quickly those lines popped up.

How far along?  4 weeks 3 days approx
Symptoms? (I added this bc I wish I had it last time) a little fatigued, frequent urination, and right this second I have heartburn! Damn that heartburn! I also had a sharp pain in my ute when getting up too quickly tonight. I'm thinking RLP early?
Total weight gain/loss?  I've been on vacation so I haven't weighed myself yet
Maternity clothes?  Not yet. I won't be holding out too long especially if I show early. No sense being uncomfortable!
Stretch marks? Lol I'll be surprised if I can figure out which ones are old or new if I stay pregnant
Sleep?  I'm pretty damn tired all day
Best moment last week? See picture above (;
Movement?  Not for a while, I'm sure.
Food cravings?  I haven't really had any cravings yet.
Gender? No idea and no intuition this time!
Belly button in/out? In for a long time.
What I miss: Nothing. I'm like one second pregnant!
What I am looking forward to: My ultrasound that is scheduled on July 21st!
Milestones: My next milestone will be to make it past my ultrasound.

Oh HAI again!

So I suck as a mommy blogger. I just don't know what to write about lol. I guess I can give a little update on us.

Jillian is 10.5 months now. Yeah.. Like 10 months 2 weeks and 3 days old. Holy shit. She is WALKING. She typically eats three solid meals a day and nurses before naps/bed and usually once in the night around 4-6am. She sleeps from about 7am til 4-6 and then back down until 7-8am. She talks all of the time but she still doesn't know any real words. She has 3 teeth. She got her first two the first week in Nov and she cut her first top tooth a few days ago. She has been sick twice in her lifetime. She had RSV in December and now she has a stomach bug that has been going around. She's a lot of fun. I can and do watch her play and explore all day long! I love being her mom so so much!

So much so that we decided to add another in the mix!
I am 4w2d with hopefully our second take home baby. I found out Saturday at 11DPO for sure. I had taken a test the night before bc we were having company over and I knew I'd have a few drinks. It was a stupid wondfo and it looked negative and was taking forever to develop so I left and went to enjoy my company. I didn't see the line until the next day so I took a FRER and it was positive! Cue: freak out. I ran to JoAnns and got an iron on transfer that says "I'm the big sister" to share with Keith. I will post all the pics and stuff another time bc they're on my phone.

No symptoms yet except heightened sense of smell. I thought my sore nipples were a pregnancy symptom but I've had them for almost two weeks so I think it was Jill's teething.

I'm pretty low on hope right about now. My tests aren't darkening up like Jill's did. I almost feel like I'm just waiting to start bleeding. I have had serious mood swings but not from happy to angry, but okay to weepy and depressed. I'm having a really hard time. I want this baby so badly. We have been NTNP (but really we've likely hit at least one day in the FW for the last 5 cycles). I had tested negative at 8 and 9DPO and I washed my diva cup and talked to Keith about probably TTA until after our vacation at the end of summer. I was surprised to see that line the morning of 11DPO. In hindsight, I should have known better bc my LP has been 8 days or shorter since I started OPKs back in Sept (didn't use them in Oct but did the other months).

There was a post on TB with some great mantras to inspire hope and positive thinking and I'm going to post them here for myself and for anyone that might be reading (likely no one since I haven't blogged since.. wow since August!)


Today I am pregnant and I love my baby

I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise

My past does not dictate my future. A previous miscarriage does not mean I will have another miscarriage

Hope does not make bad things happen. You cannot jinx your pregnancy by getting excited or telling someone. Live in the positive.

There is nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage from happening. Worrying myself sick will not prevent a miscarriage. And if it were to happen again, I know I will survive. 


The last one really speaks to me. I am crying now even thinking about it happening again, but I know I will survive. I hope things will be different now that I have Jill if something bad does happen. I can't be that person I was before I got pregnant with Jill and after my second miscarriage. I was obsessed. I was so incredibly enveloped in my own grief to care about myself or anyone/anything else. That's not an option this time. I have to be the best mother I can be for Jill. I cannot keep going to that dark place. That same place I am struggling so hard to stay out of even now with all of this unknown. Next time, I think I'm going to have Keith ration tests out to me when trying so I can test and get a positive and then leave it at that. I cannot help myself and I have already taken a million tests in the 5 whole days I've known I'm pregnant.

If this baby doesn't come home with me in October, I do not plan on trying again until I can find a doctor that will run tests on me to make sure my body is not causing these losses. I got some good recommendations for a doctor about 30min away that is supposedly really sympathetic to those with losses and is very understanding and helpful. I hope I get to see her for my early pregnancy though instead of for loss testing, but I'm thankful to have a lead on a good doctor either way. I was hoping to give birth in the birth center here, but if I cannot transfer a little later in my pregnancy, then I will just have another hospital birth. My birth with Jill wasn't bad at all so I'm okay with that. (The center only takes a small number of patients due around a certain time bc they have a limited amount of staff).

Anyways, Jill is fussing. Maybe I will start a pregnancy update thing like last time when I feel a little more confident. If I can make it until 6w, then I will feel a little better. I will also try to update with appt dates and any other news

39w3d

I have been SO lazy about updating my blog. If anyone cares, I'm sorry :P We are just trucking along. I have had maybe 3 contractions over the past week lol. I was closed, my cervix was hard to reach, and I was "just beginning to thin" at my appt last Friday despite all of the EPO I have been consuming since 36w.

Keith is home so we're just [not so] patiently waiting for Jill's arrival over the next few weeks. He's on leave and I am absolutely loving it! I've been missing him like crazy and it's awesome to have him home all day with me. We have been walking as much as possible and have plans to continue to get out and walk as much as we can until baby Jill decides she's ready to come.

I have another appt Friday and we will do the first NST. My doctor uses my LMP so they consider me 40w tomorrow so I think I will have several appts next week including a biophysical ultrasound. From what I understand, they will be doing a semi-in-depth u/s to check out position, fluid, practice breathing, the placenta, cord, etc and they score her out of 8 (8 being the best) to make sure she's okay and safe on the inside. Obviously, if anything looked to be going south then we'd discuss induction, but hopefully she's happy and healthy and comes on her own. I'm not wanting to induce at all. I just anticipate it being harder and longer labor.

I'm kind of calm about labor and delivery. I've been pretty scared for the past few weeks/months and now I'm just kind of ready (at least as ready as I can be). I don't think there's anything else I can do to prepare mentally bc I've never been through it before. I've kind of given up mental control I guess lol.

I am beyond excited about moving soon! We have started looking at some places online and I'm so ready to get out of this sea of red in this apartment lol! We bought a new couch yesterday and I can't wait for it to be delivered tomorrow! I have been pinteresting some different ideas for decor for our living room. I hope it all turns out!

How far along? 39w3d
Total weight gain/loss? I'm too lazy to go look. I think I'm in the upper 140s or 150ish
Stretch marks? Covered in them :P
Sleep? I don't have bad insomnia right now, but I still have super broken sleep bc my hips and crotch hurt and I pee a million times. I will take whatever I can get lol
Best moment last week? Keith is home!!!
Movement? Still have my little alien in there moving up a storm
Food cravings? My cravings have pretty much stopped the past few weeks
Belly button in/out? I doubt it'll pop. It is pretty much flat and I doubt it'll change much in the next few days/weeks
Braxton Hicks/contractions? I've had a few BHs/contractions, but nothing consistent
What I miss: Having my body to myself
What I am looking forward to: Meeting my sweet girl!
Milestones: my last milestone is her birth.. That is crazy!

38w4d

39w1d

 

37w1d

I am writing this post from my phone, so I will have to add the fruit and probably fix formatting a bit another day.

Baby Jill is now considered full term. Basically, from what I understand, that means her organs should be able to fully function on the outside without any medical help. Obviously all babies don't come out completely healthy and perfect so I am assuming that a majority of babies are good to go at 37w with no NICU time. This is a huge relief to me bc I'd be a wreck if I had Jill now bc Keith is gone and I wouldn't know what to do if he was gone and Jillian had to be in the NICU. Keep baking baby girl! You aren't welcome in the real world for a few more weeks!!

I can finally say that Keith is gone. It was really tough saying goodbye this time. He got to come home from work before they left for a few hours so we went out and got lunch and did a couple errands and I was completely fine. I thought he'd leave and I might even get away without crying. Then, he got in the shower right before I had to take him to base and it hit me. I couldn't stop bawling. Telling myself that it was only a few weeks wasn't helping. All I could picture was me giving birth to Jill and him missing out on the end of my pregnancy and the magic of meeting her at the same time as me. On the way to base, he kept rubbing my belly and talking to Jill trying to get her to move for him. It was breaking my heart imagining that this could have been the last time he'd get to do that. I cried a lot on that car ride and on the way home by myself and on and off the rest of the night.

Waking up the next day was much much easier! I should have known that the first night would have been the hardest. I am doing much better now that it has been a few days. It isn't like I haven't done this many times before. I sleep alone a few nights a week when he works long duty shifts anyways. This is totally doable. My main thing now is just boredom. I am alone with the dog 24/7. So far, I have used the time alone to be very productive. I have been slacking on cleaning lately bc I knew I'd be bored when Keith left. The length of my "done" list is insane. I think a part of me is nesting bc I have been cleaning things I hadn't really thought of cleaning before (like scrubbing the wall behind the trash can or the legs of the table and the chairs). So far, I have scrubbed the microwave, the kitchen cabinets, the kitchen floor, the outside of the fridge (I did the inside not long ago), the entryway floors, the downstairs and upstairs bathrooms (including behind the toilets), I dusted the heaters (we have base board heaters), scrubbed the bathroom floors, cleaned our tv stand in our room, wiped down the base of the bed, took apart and cleaned the vacuum, cleaned out the laundry room completely (we always seem to have stray crap in there), put away probably 5 loads of laundry, and I am still not done! My to-do list is awfully short now though lol. I plan on picking up the random things around the house, vacuuming really well (like using the hose to clean under the heaters and in corners I don't usually get when just doing basic vacuuming) and then I will room by room shampoo the carpets. The carpets will probably take me a while to do since I'm sure it'll be taxing on my body to push around our huge carpet cleaner. I also think I will clear off the kitchen counters and clean out all of the nooks and crannies and I will wash a few of Jills bottles once I figure out where I can store them (we have the worlds smallest kitchen with no cabinet space at all.. We still have a decent amount of our dishes packed away).

So, that whole long post about moving to NY and strollers and shit was all a waste. True to Navy/military fashion, plans were changed again. Actually, Keith gave me the news only a few hours after I posted earlier this week.. Tonight, Keith told me in an email that we have actual orders (which is like the final word on something and means it is official and not just talk) to report to Charleston, SC in early June. Hopefully, that means we will be moving in early May. You are supposed to get 30 days of leave when you transfer, but who knows. I try not to count on too much until it happens lol. I guess I will be keeping that huge jogging stroller and getting Jillian a bathing suit! I wish I knew what size to expect her to be bc I saw the cutest bathing suits at the mall the other day!

So moving down South and moving a little less than 2 months later than I expected has me super excited! Hopefully we will have a good routine with Jill down feeding-wise by the time we have to make the 15hr drive with her (I am sure it'll be much longer). I am hoping that gives me plenty of time to build up a decent stash of breast milk to make traveling a bit easier. It should also give us time to take leave and go to IL so Keith's family can meet the baby.

Well, not much else is going on and it is getting pretty late so I need to try to sleep. I plan on writing my shower thank you notes finally tomorrow (I had been really slow at getting the list of gifts from my friend and I have been hoarding tasks to make the weeks when Keith is gone go by faster)


How far along? 37w1d
Total weight gain/loss? I weighed 146.5 this morning. I'm guessing that could be from all of the exercise I got in NYC?
Stretch marks? The itchiness under my bump is officially stretch marks. Thankfully, they aren't purple, but there are 4 or 5 of them
Sleep? I am still miserable. I am trying to sleep in on purpose to get as much sleep as possible before a baby prevents me from ever sleeping in again
Best moment last week? I found out I'm GBS negative! (Lol last week was clearly not terribly great)
Movement? She hasn't moved a whole bunch today and yesterday, but I have also been moving around a bunch so I might just not be noticing it. It isn't so little that I'm concerned or anything though
Food cravings? My cravings have pretty much stopped the past few days/week
Belly button in/out? The top third or half of my belly button is usually out, but if she changes positions then it pops back in.
Braxton Hicks/contractions? Nothing that I've recognized
What I miss: The bump not making things like washing dishes or getting laundry out of the washer super awkward
What I am looking forward to: Keith coming home and getting this human out (in that order)!
Milestones: my last milestone is her birth.. That is crazy!

 

36w3d

I officially suck. I think this is the longest I've gone all pregnancy without updating. OOPS! I seriously haven't had anything to really update so I just let it slide by.

I feel bad sometimes when all I have to do is gripe and complain here lol. So here is my paragraph of bitching. Feel free to skip it. Let's face it.. 3rd tri sucks. I no longer feel like I have this cute little bump bc I'm freaking huge. I can't sit still for long bc I get insanely uncomfortable and have to keep switching positions. I can't sleep very long through the night. Jillian is currently beating the shit out of my ribs (okay, usually her movements are all cute because I can see and feel her little tush or feet and make me smile so I will take the few beatings I get every once in a while). I have KILLER crotch pain at this point. I can't do a lot of things (like roll over in bed) without grunting or crying out (for some reason this makes it easier.. maybe I will be a screamer in labor lol). Oh and a new thing that started yesterday.. my lower belly itches like mad! I think (but I can't get a good look) that I am developing stretch marks down there. It feels like it, but I can't see very well (even in a mirror bc it is the underside of my belly and I can't pull it up anymore).

So this past weekend, Keith and I took a babymoon/Valentine's Day trip to NYC. Yes, we have lived here an entire year and have not once gone to NYC together lol. Actually we haven't gone anywhere but Providence together even though we're pretty close to Boston too. It was pretty difficult and I found myself tired and out of breath quite a bit, but he was really patient with me and my breaks to sit down or get a drink. It was seriously the best weekend. We mainly just walked around and explored. We went to the huge Apple store on 5th Ave and FAO Schwarz and walked a lot around Time Square. We went to a Ninja-themed restaurant and saw Spiderman on Broadway. Our hotel was literally right outside of Grand Central which made things SO much easier for me bc we took a lot of subway rides instead of walking when we went from place to place (although we walked ALL day in Time Square which was rough). Our hotel was really nice and we just had loads of alone time. Seriously, my favorite parts were just laying in our hotel bed with Keith rubbing my belly and talking about our future. Annnnd now I'm getting all teared up.. I'll take this opportunity to blame it on the 3rd tri hormones lol.. yeah..

I don't feel like uploading all the pics we took. But here is a pic of me and The Biebs at the wax museum (we laughed and had SO much fun there!)

So, we still don't have written orders to our next location, but we have tentative word of mouth ones which makes me feel a lot a lot better. I was relatively bummed to find out that we are NOT moving to South Carolina anymore. We are going to upstate New York.. we know we have to report there around the 2nd or 3rd week of May, which means we will likely be moving about a month prior if Keith gets to take his 30 days of transfer leave. Once we get the orders and separation date on paper, we can start scheduling our move. While I am not thrilled about the Northern climate, I am trying to get stoked on the move. I am also bummed we won't be moving closer to family like we thought, but we won't be leaving all of our friends that live here in CT almost completely (because 3-4 hours back to Groton is WAY better than the 15 hours from SC to Groton to see friends). We will also be a few hours closer to Chicago. Everyone says how great/gorgeous it is up in Saratoga Springs (our new destination) so I'm hoping we enjoy it. Now, I'm thinking of selling my jogging stroller and getting a new and smaller one since we won't be taking trips on the beach like we thought before lol. I didn't buy myself anything nice with our re-enlistment, so I'm thinking of asking Keith for a nice stroller soon.

We also know exactly when Keith will be home for his paternity leave. Jill can still come at any time from now on, but it is nice to know at least one side of the equation. It is always weird/difficult to talk about huge things in my life that are also related to underway schedules lol. I obviously cannot give out dates for security reasons, but it is difficult to talk in broad terms all of the time when I know exactly what time periods it is going to affect me. I guess we will just say that we are cutting it close and I'm a little bummed that he will be missing the end of this pregnancy (especially when things are getting difficult for me to do on my own). At least this time I will be able to email him a bit. Last time he left it was unexpected and I had no way of communicating with him. Not an ideal situation for a first time mom in her 3rd tri that can't travel the 11 hours back home to be somewhere more familiar and to be around family!

Alright, no more updates on baby gear or diapers for a while bc I have told myself that I am DONE! Of course, I will still buy her little things here and there (like headbands), but I am officially done buying almost everything. My crafts will start back up when Keith leaves (I'm trying to save them to keep me busy while he's gone) and I know the first thing I'm going to attempt are wetbags for my diaper bag. They are one of the very few things that I must have before Jill gets here and I decided to try and make my own. If they don't turn out, then I will have to buy a few :P

Here are some shower pics:

Crammy got me this awesome book! Porn for new moms!

So there is a little story behind this tuxedo onesie for Jill. Keith and his best man bought Tuxedo tshirts to wear under their tuxes for our wedding. I just realized when trying to find a pic that we don't have a good pic of them wearing them at my wedding where you can tell how goofy they are lol so I will post the one from our wedding and then one from a friend's wedding where they were both groomsmen :P

Our wedding in Dec '11

Friends' wedding in June '12

How far along? 36w3d!
Total weight gain/loss? I had a big weight gain the past few weeks.. 148 (started 140 and was 120 at my lowest this pregnancy)
Stretch marks? I already talked about the few I think I'm getting under my bump
Sleep? I am still miserable. I am trying to sleep in on purpose to get as much sleep as possible before a baby prevents me from ever sleeping in again
Best moment last week? NYC!
Movement? Lots of movement and belly jumping. She's getting big so I see and feel outside movement with almost every movement (including her hiccups which make my whole belly jump)
Food cravings? Honestly nothing in particular lately. Maybe soft-baked cookies
Belly button in/out? The top third or half of my belly button is usually out, but if she changes positions then it pops back in.
Braxton Hicks/contractions? Nothing that I've recognized
What I miss: Sleeping 8-10 hours in a row
What I am looking forward to: Full term!
Milestones: Full term on Saturday! I can't believe how close it is to meeting her! It doesn't seem real.

35w0d

36w0d

34w0d

Wowsa. 6 weeks to go.. that doesn't seem right lol. That's not long at all! Mentally, I've been telling myself 2 more weeks than the ticker because I am already starting to get burnt out with the lack of sleep and the being uncomfortable 24/7.

This will be a quick post because I am incredibly tired after a sleepless night and a long (but fun!) day! I will have to do a long shower post another day (plus, I need to find the cord for the camera to get my shower pics anyways). The bottom line is that I had so much fun and I'm so incredibly thankful for a wonderful day and all of the love and support for me and baby Jillian. We're a lucky bunch!

Above is a pic of some of the spoils. I didn't bring in the diaper cake, humidifier, or high chair from the car bc it took quite a few trips to bring all this in (Keith is at work) and I'm exhausted! Jillian will never be naked.. I am pretty sure I will be bathing her in clothes and changing her outfits like 10x a day so she can wear everything she has lol! Thankfully, I don't need to bring a single thing back! I got more pacifiers than she'll probably need, but I think I will keep them all just in case (really, I only got 8 but they're all the same kind). I already went ahead and ordered stuff from Amazon that I didn't get so I could take advantage of the Amazon Mom 20% off event. I'll talk about my spoils and order in the shower post though.

Remember this list of "must-haves" and "really wants" (here's the update..)
Bottles
Diaper rash cream
Socks
Baby wash
Snappis
Pack n Play sheets (we would need this more towards the time when we move)
At least 1 more pail liner
Wet bag for diaper bag (x2)
Breast pump replacement parts
Breast milk storage bags
Nipple Cream
Nursing tanks and/or bras (I plan to get the bras after my milk comes in)
Pacifiers
Wrap/carrier and/or the infant insert for the Ergo
First aid kit and baby grooming kit
Humidifier
Baby monitor (probably not necessary right away and we might wait until we move to get this depending on when we move/how old Jill is/if we're ready to let her sleep away from us at night)

Yeah.. that just happened. I only need the small wet bags and baby grooming shiz.

How far along? 34w0d!
Total weight gain/loss? 140-142ish so up 20-22lb
Stretch marks? Nothing I've noticed since last week
Sleep? I have had a horrible time trying to sleep for the past few nights. I am miserable!
Best moment last week? Well, today.. the baby shower!
Movement? She has been slowing down this week. I'm assuming she's running out of room bc I don't feel hard kicks as much. More like what I assume is her adjusting and getting comfortable in there
Food cravings? Wings or chocolate milk
Belly button in/out? Nothing has changed. IDK if it will pop at this point
Braxton Hicks/contractions? Nothing that I've recognized
What I miss: Sleeping 8-10 hours in a row
What I am looking forward to: Full term!
Milestones: Next up is 35 weeks with 35 days to go!!

33w0d

That ticker over there (you can't see my side bar on mobile)--> says 49 days..
Commence freak out!

(Go ahead and skip the next few paragraphs bc this is going to get ramble-y and whiny) Let me clue you in on something that has been weighing heavily on my mind: We have heard nothing definite on whether Keith will be home or out to sea in March. I cannot discuss specifics of his boat schedule which makes it difficult to describe how stressed I am, but as of now, if he isn't able to fly home while the boat is in port a bit before Jill's due date (and I mean it is cutting it close), then he will be gone and unable to come home when Jill is born for at least weeks. Honestly, even if they do tell him he can come, if Jill doesn't wait until right around her due date to come, he will surely miss the birth. I am hoping that, if I go into labor a little early while they are still in port, he will be able to catch a flight almost immediately and catch the tail end of labor and her birth. If he goes out to sea after (on the longer trip I am referencing), Optimus and I are high-tailing it back to VA bc I am beyond scared to give birth alone up here with no family. I have two close girlfriends that I'd feel comfortable calling to take me to L&D and stay with me, and one is moving in a few weeks.. I know it isn't wise to worry about something that is completely out of my control and may end up all working out just perfectly with Keith being here, but that is not the kind of person I am lol. I worry and I expect the worst. In my mind, being prepared for the worst case scenario is better than expecting everything to fall into place and then your little fantasy world gets rocked. Unfortunately (at least in this scenario), Keith is the opposite of me. Usually it is fine because we balance each other, but, right now, his lack of concern and "everything will work out great" attitude is making me stress more. When I finally get to see him again, I plan on having a nice long chat about what he needs to do to get answers ASAP so I can be more prepared on what to expect or what plans I need to get in place if it doesn't look likely that he will be home.

Issue number 2: We are SUPPOSED to be leaving for shore duty in late March or April, but we have no official papers giving us any kind of dates. It is seriously a 1-2 month gap of when we could potentially be moving. This normally wouldn't worry me, because that is plenty far for us to prepare, but I will have a newborn come March and I would LIKE to have some idea of when we need to be in the new place even if it is tentative or down to a couple week period. I seriously need some help unclenching here lol.

I LOVE our life that the military has provided us. I love the idea of getting to experience new places and how close it makes our little family since we have to rely on each other when moving to a new and unfamiliar place. I know to expect things to be up in the air a lot with this life. I also know that it was our decision to get pregnant even though I knew he'd be out to sea around this time and that we were due to move around April-May of this year. I don't want to come across as ungrateful or bratty at all. I have put myself in this situation (and trust me, Jillian is MORE than worth the worry and stress), but, nonetheless, I AM stressed out about it and I do worry. I know once we move and I'm cuddling my little girl in our new town in our new house that I will wonder why I was so damned stressed over everything, but getting to that point is proving to be difficult for the planner in me.

(Okay, back to our regular broadcast) A huge wave of relief has come over me since I got Jill's nursery temporarily set up in our rental here in CT. I need some small things still, but I feel overall pretty damned prepared for her arrival in a physical way. I have a really short list of things that I consider must-haves that I will need before or shortly after she arrives:
Bottles
Diaper rash cream
Socks
Baby wash
Snappis
Pack n Play sheets (we would need this more towards the time when we move)
At least 1 more pail liner
Wet bag for diaper bag (x2)
Breast pump replacement parts
Breast milk storage bags
Nipple Cream
Nursing tanks and/or bras (I plan to get the bras after my milk comes in)
Pacifiers
Wrap/carrier and/or the infant insert for the Ergo
First aid kit and baby grooming kit
Humidifier
Baby monitor (probably not necessary right away and we might wait until we move to get this depending on when we move/how old Jill is/if we're ready to let her sleep away from us at night)

I feel great that the items on my list are small. The baby monitor and humidifier are the most expensive items (well, other than the nursing tanks and bras) and I still have my shower next weekend.

S/o of my shower.. OMG I am so freaking excited for it! I honestly think it's going to be perfect. Just a small party with good friends and I'm expecting great food (my hostess is a great cook and party planner!)! My boubeads necklace came in the mail the other day.. holy shit Chancie and her sister have such an eye for this stuff!

I will obviously be posting pictures of it with my shower dress next weekend! I have already seen a preview of a pacifier clip I am ordering for Jillibean and I am in love already! If it is anything like the necklace, I know I will love it even more in person! I plan on getting a few more necklaces too for Jill to play with and chew while I'm wearing her in my ergo or boba/moby wrap (I WANT the boba, but I have a moby on my BRU registry since they don't carry the boba) and nursing her. I have heard that babies get distracted when nursing sometimes and having the nursing necklace is perfect for keeping their attention to your breast area. I obviously haven't tested this, but even if I do have a baby with an awful attention span, I will look mega cute :P I was seriously sad bc I didn't think I'd be able to wear jewelry without it being tugged and chewed on when holding a baby that wants to grab everything in sight and now I can and I won't have to worry about her hurting herself or my gold jewelry! Okay.. I'm done. I OBVIOUSLY think Chancie and her sister are the most brilliant people ever lol.

Well, Optimus and I are headed upstairs to cuddle in Jillian's new recliner while reading! I love that chair so much already!

How far along? 33w0d!
Total weight gain/loss? 137.6lb a few minutes ago on my home scale. Pre-pregnancy weight -140. Lowest weight this pregnancy -120
Stretch marks? I have a new HUGE (like 3in at least) sideways one that is perpendicular to my butt crack lol. I am still surprised that I haven't got any on my stomach or through my tattoos yet
Sleep? I am hating my new sleeping habits right now.. Without fail, I am awake around 2-4am and cannot usually get back to sleep until 8am or so. If I don't nap during the day (which is preferable since it's nice to accomplish things like cleaning and sewing during daylight so I'm not being noisy when my neighbors are sleeping), then I am lucky to make it to 10 before passing out. Usually, I pass out around 6pm and sleep 3-4 hours. I seriously feel like a baby with these short spurts of sleep. I know people would likely tell me to "get used to it bc you'll be sleep deprived with a newborn," but, the point is, I KNOW that and I'd like to enjoy getting a full night's sleep while I still can.. Oh well
Best moment last week? For sure seeing the nursery come together! I LOVE seeing my vision come together
Movement? She's been a maniac this past week. It is incredibly cool bc now I can usually feel around my stomach and feel a protruding butt or knee or elbow (or something!) and if I poke it, she usually squirms. I wonder if it is because she is bigger now or because she is not transverse. I think she's either head down or kind of diagonal with her head near my hip and feet near my opposite ribs
Food cravings? I've been wanting (and consuming many) wings lately (still the same :P)
Belly button in/out? The top maybe 1/4 of it is out, the rest is just getting flatter, but is still in (so same)
Braxton Hicks/contractions? Nothing that I've recognized
What I miss: Sleeping 8-10 hours in a row
What I am looking forward to: my baby shower!!!
Milestones: Next up is 35 weeks with 35 days to go!!

Yesterday at 32w6d

I will admit that I have not seen/eaten quite a few of the fruits/veggies on these things.. but I honestly have no freaking clue what this one even is.. a "durian"???????

EDIT:

32w0d

We ordered Jill's dresser and crib this week! I also ordered fabric to make Jill's sheets. I ordered custom ones on Etsy and got screwed over. Thankfully, Paypal got my money back in a little over two weeks!

The crib is set to deliver next week, but I set up Jill's dresser all by myself tonight (it's Saturday morning at like 4am..). I have a blister on my hand from the screwdriver, but I got it done! I'm pretty damn proud of myself too! I've already got it stocked lol. Top drawer has all newborn diapers and some pockets. Middle drawer has the rest of her OS diapers and prefolds. Bottom drawer has all of her pants, plain white onesies, kimono-style shirts, diaper covers (ones that go under dresses- not CD covers), swaddlemes, and, when she gets some, I will likely put socks in there because there's still plenty of room. The cabinet part has her cloth wipes, inserts, burp clothes, blankets, bibs, sheets, mattress pads, etc.

The pink basket won't stay there. I just wanted something there lol. IDK what will live on that part. Probably a small basket that matches the laundry hamper with stuff like coconut oil and CD safe diaper rash creams or those kinds of things

Top drawer

Middle drawer

I have decided to make Jill two nice fitted sheets and two nice changing pad covers out of these fabrics:

Top two will be sheets and the bottom two will be changing pad covers

Last thing bc I really need to attempt to sleep some, I crocheted two headbands last night! They turned out really cute!

I need to run to Jo-ann's and pick up pearls to glue to the centers of these hearts

How far along? 32w0d!
Total weight gain/loss? 139.6 at my last appt, but 136 today. I think the doctor's office likes to make me out to be bigger :P
Stretch marks? No change this week
Sleep? Sleep comes at random times. IDK if it is nesting or all of the anxiety I have about my due date coming so soon on top of a move that I have no idea when will take place, but my mind runs a lot and makes it hard to fall asleep
Best moment last week? Finally ordering the fabric and furniture (other than the rocker) for Jill's nursery
Movement? Same activity level as usual, but I no longer think she's transverse bc I don't feel movement on the sides as much as in the middle now.
Food cravings? I've been wanting (and consuming many) wings lately
Belly button in/out? The top maybe 1/4 of it is out, the rest is just getting flatter, but is still in (so same)
Braxton Hicks/contractions? Nothing since last week
What I miss: Not feeling like I've been hit by a truck after doing a mild amount of physical work (like putting together a dresser..)
What I am looking forward to: my baby shower!!!
Milestones: Next up is 35 weeks with 35 days to go! Holy moly that is only 3 weeks away! Only 5 weeks until Jillian is considered full term!

31w4d. I haven't taken a bump pic today.. I might update with one later. To me, I think my bump has shrunk some which may mean Jill is head down vs. breech or transverse