Birth story part 2 and general updates

So, it is tough getting time on the comp with this sweet baby to feed and stare at all day!

Back to my story!

Like I said, I tried breastfeeding with Jillian while we were still in the delivery room and they were cleaning me and her up, but she wasn't having it because she was coughing up little fluid bubbles. All is well though because I was able to breastfeed a little when we got into our own pp maternity room. She has had a great latch since the beginning, but it still hurt like hell to nurse her. I had some scabs after the second day. I was reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and it says BFing should never hurt. I was scared she wasn't getting enough because she wasn't feeding correctly even though the lactation consultants said she was doing great and she was having the appropriate number of wet and dirty diapers. I am taking that book with a grain of salt from now on.

The first night, I didn't sleep a wink. I was wide awake and on this almost high feeling. I felt no pain from the delivery and I was almost deliriously happy. I didn't sleep until the next evening and that was barely. I didn't like Jill being in her bassinet. I felt better holding her or having Keith hold her. The second night and day, Jill started cluster feeding. It was one of the hardest things to get through. The pain was toe curling because she was nursing almost constantly with only 20min to maaaaaybe an hour in between feedings.

We got to go home the third morning (Friday). It was pretty awesome walking out of the hospital with MY baby. I still can't believe she is mine and that I made her and carried her. I have wanted her for so so long. It makes all of the pain of the last two years 1000% worth it. Every tear and heartache was worth it. I wouldn't trade her for anything even when she is crying and nothing seems to soothe her or she is cluster feeding and I'm in pain.

meeting big brother, Optimus!

Our first few days went great. On Saturday night, I passed a clot about half the size of my fist in my underwear. It scared the shit out of me. It is insanely disgusting and scary to see something that large made out of your blood that just fell out of you. I called the on call doctor and he told me it was fine, but to watch for more bleeding. The first few days, I stayed up at night with Jill and Keith watched her for a good part of the morning/afternoon so I could sleep. I got in the shower at the beginning of Keith's shift Sunday morning because Jillian had her 4 day check up appointment at the pedi's office that morning. I passed a clot the size of a fist in the shower. I was freaking out at this point. I was told to call if I passed a clot the size of a fist or several clots adding up to that size and now I had passed two that added up to 1.5 that amount or more. I called the on call again and he told me to head to the ER. I tried holding back tears. I fed Jill and we packed her diaper bag and left at about 5:30am.

We got to the ER and got into a room pretty quickly. I had to have an ultrasound. The tech did an external first and the radiologist wasn't happy with it so they had to do the internal (ouch! I had stitches from tearing). They also took my blood. The doctor came in and said I had lost a lot of blood during delivery and that now my blood levels were borderline needing a blood transfusion and possibly a d&c if the u/s showed retained products of conception. Commence freak out. I started crying pretty hard because I was scared and Keith had to leave to take Jill to her first appt without me. I was so sad.

The nurse came in and told me the second blood draw showed no change in blood counts and that they'd be keeping me overnight for observation. She also said the ultrasound showed nothing and that I couldn't have Jill or Keith spend the night with me. I was pretty devastated and bawling at this point. I didn't want my baby away from me for 12 hours (visiting hours are 7-7) and she'd have to have formula because I hadn't pumped before. I asked for a pump to start pumping and they brought me a fucking manual pump.. We waited and waited in emergency even though I had already been told I would be admitted. They even moved me to another room in emergency (with all of the sick people coming in and out of the ER..) AFTER they told me I'd be admitted. I didn't understand what we were waiting for. Keith and I were arguing because he was pissed that Jill was around all the sick people and he was terrible to be around (he wasn't mad at me, he was just miserable and very grumpy towards everyone). I pumped and pumped and pumped for hours and only got half an ounce.. We were in emergency for about 8 hours before we were wheeled to an inpatient room (btw they had several open..). FINALLY we had nurses that acted like they knew what they were talking about.

I had a break down and Keith finally asked them to just discharge us. I was barely bleeding in my pad and obviously it wasn't some huge emergency since we had just been sitting around all day. I cried like crazy and tried to explain to the nurse in charge how I was feeling and about our terrible experience and the lack of communication. She ordered another blood draw and told me that I actually had improved levels at my earlier blood draw. I was waiting on the OB to deliver two patients to come talk to me and he would decide if I could go. After we had been there for 12 hours, I finally got to talk to him. He explained to me that it was always his plan to have me there for 10-12 hours to do several blood draws to confirm that my second blood draw and count raise was "real" and he was happy to say that my third draw showed about triple the raise as the first raise. He also told me that they DID see something on the ultrasound, but that the radiologist said it wasn't likely that it was products of conception and it was probably another large clot, but that they couldn't say for sure (the ER nurse basically told me a load of misinformation). He let us leave just in time for my sister to get in at the airport. It was one of the worst days of my life. It was so stressful and I basically just cried the whole last few hours from all of the stress. I have been fine since that day as far as bleeding.

I will try to make the rest of this quicker lol. Things at home have been going great. My sister and dad came to visit and it was a great time. We are glad to have some time at home as a family though now that they're gone. It is definitely hard to keep up with cooking and housework now though!

Jillian lost the regular weight while in the hospital. She started at 7lb8oz and was down to 6lb14oz when we left. At her 4 day check up, she was up to 7lb1oz and today at her two week visit, she was up to 7lb11oz! I am so proud of both of us lol. Breastfeeding has been challenging and formula feeding has been very enticing when she's going through a growth spurt, or my nipples hurt, or I am being woken up at 3am by a screaming baby and Keith can't do anything to help me feed her. I also love it. I love the closeness. I love sleeping with her after she passes out. I love knowing that I am providing for her and helping her grow. I love the faces she makes when she's trying to find the boob. It gets easier every day.

I will try to write more frequently, but Keith goes back to work Friday and we are moving in a month so I need to get my shit together.

Meet my baby! part 1

Sorry facebook friends, I don't have any new pictures to add up here since I pretty much post all of them to fb (except for the ones with boob in them which I won't be posting on the internet at all lol).

Jillian is 7 days old already! But obviously this story starts about a week ago (:

Let us go back to last Monday at 40w2d!

Keith and I went to my appointment with the doctor to do the ultrasound on Jill. She was looking good and her fluid was great all except behind her butt (which the dr didn't seem concerned over). He did another cervical check and stripped my membranes and said I was 1 cm and 50% effaced.. so almost no change since the previous week. He recommended having a gel applied on my cervix that afternoon and then again the next day in case we had to induce (inductions are more likely to fail or end in emergency c/s if the cervix isn't "favorable"). We headed to the hospital where they did another NST and then applied the gel. I had to sit there for an hour on the contraction and hb monitors to make sure Jill reacted well to the gel. We headed home, and, about 2 hours later, contractions started. They started at about 5-7min apart and lasted a minute. They slowly got to about 5min apart and lasted a minute. I was so excited! That went on until about 2 am when I finally fell asleep. I woke up to the contractions only coming about every 7min and not constantly. I was pretty bummed after thinking that the gel pushed me into labor (the nurse said it is pretty uncommon for that to happen with first time moms). I tried to stay positive and tell myself that at least the contractions probably helped my cervix progress.

So we went in at 11am the next morning for round 2 of this gel. When I was checked, I had only dilated to 1.5cm and was only 70% effaced.. I wanted to cry lol. The nurse told me that contractions after the gel were normal. I wish someone had told me the day before!! I wouldn't have gotten so excited and now I was dreading this round bc I knew I'd have another night of dealing with the annoying contractions (they were probably only a 4 on a scale of 10). After they placed the gel, the contractions picked up immediately this time (I was still having intermittent ones all morning). They were a bit more painful than the day before, but I didn't bother timing them bc I knew they weren't the real deal. About 4 hours later, I took a unisom and took a nap on the couch at about 3. At 7, I started being woken up by every contraction, but I didn't think much of it so I didn't start timing them or anything. I was just annoyed that I still had them (the nurse said they should only last 3-4 hours and it had been 7). I still laid there and kept falling in and out of sleep. At about 7:30, I felt this weird movement and heard (or at least thought I heard) a popping noise. Jill had never moved that fast so I thought maybe my water broke. I didn't get up and just waited to see if I started getting wet and nothing. Finally, I decided to head upstairs and as I was walking up stairs, I soaked my underwear. I ran to the toilet and it kept coming (not gushing, but probably a steady flow for a little bit). I wiped and noticed it was an orangey pink color and I was fairly certain it wasn't urine bc it didn't smell at all. I sat there for a while until I was convinced it wasn't me wetting my pants bc it kept coming (although not terribly heavy).

That's when the contractions started to hurt pretty badly. I would say they started to be about a 6. I called down to Keith and he was so excited that this was it. I knew even if the contractions didn't continue because they weren't "real" then I'd only have a certain amount of time before I'd have to deliver due to the risk of infections. I called the on-call number and the OB told me I could come in, but I didn't have to right away. I could labor at home for a while. I decided to get showered. Keith was timing my contractions when I was in the shower and they were every 3-4min and 1-1min15sec long. They started being pretty bad and I couldn't talk through them. I still wanted to wait and try to labor some more at home so I put a bunch of towels on the bed and labored on all fours while I sent Keith to DD to get a sandwich since I hadn't eaten since lunch time. Every time I had a contraction, I had to talk myself through it. They were probably a 7 to an 8 and they were hard to manage. I scarfed down my sandwich in between contractions and I decided I wanted to go to the hospital. I was scared bc I thought I was getting the urge to push through some of them (really it feels like you need to poop).

The ride to the hospital and walk through emergency to l&d was absolutely terrible. I really don't know how I did it. The contractions were very very painful and I had to moan and almost yell through them. They got me in a room and I got into the hospital gown by 11pm. At this point, I had decided on the epidural. I assumed that I'd go into the hospital and they tell me I was dilated to about a 4 and I knew I couldn't do this well into the next day. They checked me and I was actually a 6. I was almost to transition (7-10cm) and I was scared shitless bc I'd heard transition is the absolute hardest part and my pain was already at an 8 or 9. They got me checked in and started the IV fluids bc you need them to get the epi to keep your blood pressure stabilized. The nurse checked me before the anesthesiologist got in and I was an 8 already. She assured me that I could get the epi up until I was a 9 and that once I was in transition, the epi wouldn't stall my labor. I really wanted to avoid pitocin if possible. I was too scared that pit contractions would be too hard on Jillian. So far, she was doing great through the labor as far as her HR was.

The anesthesiologist came in and it took him three tries to place the epi. He kept getting blood vessels. The hardest part was staying completely still during contractions that were coming every 3 minutes or so. The only thing that kept me going was knowing I'd have some sort of relief if I stayed still and the nurse was freaking amazing and super supportive. After the epi was placed, I was a different person lol. I was smiling and laughing. I had absolutely no pain at first. The doctor came in because I told the nurse I had the urge to push when I was having contractions during the epi. My contractions almost stopped and the doctor was waiting around for what seemed forever to check me during a contraction. When I finally had another, I was a 10 and ready to push. I am not sure what time I started pushing, but Jillian arrived at 1:23am after me getting to the hospital at a 6 at 10:30. I progressed extremely fast. My contractions were spaced about 4-5min apart so I didn't push too frequently which was nice. I got to feel her head when she crowned and have immediate skin to skin.

Jillian Rose was born 03-13-13 at 1:23am weighing 7lb8oz and 19in long. She had a little trouble clearing her lungs and they had to suction them, but she didn't need to be taken from the room or anything. I wasn't able to breastfeed in recovery because of this, but it has been going great since.

This is getting very long and baby girl wants the boob so I think I will talk about our hospital stay in a part 2 of this post!