8w1d

So I will get it right out and say that I had my first ultrasound today and there's a baby in there measuring right on track with FF (7w5d) with a HR of 154!

I have not had any symptoms since around my last post at 6w and some change. It had me TERRIFIED. I finally had some nausea Saturday evening and most of the day Sunday. This morning, I threw up in my sink after brushing my teeth. I had some pretty bad urges since I had woken up and I HAD to get the morning breath taste out of my mouth. What sucked the most was I had nothing in my stomach so only a little bile came up and it hurt like a bitch. My heart was pretty damn happy though.

I was a nervous wreck on the way to the appointment. We got there early and they got me back with the nurse within two minutes of sitting in the waiting room. I did sit there for quite a few minutes after I got naked while waiting for the doctor to do my physical exam and then the ultrasound. Once she got the u/s machine, she got right to it. I told her how nervous I was and I can totally tell how sensitive she was to that. She went to the baby right away and I didn't see anything moving and for a few seconds I thought there was no heartbeat. So she said immediately after that thought entered my mind that there was a heartbeat and she was able to zoom in a bit and I could see it beating away. She let us listen to it and I cried a little. It was soooo relieving. Everything looked normal and the baby was measuring a few days behind my LMP, but we are keeping the date the same for now since even those measurements can be a little off.

The best part was that, without me asking, she said she wanted to see me back in 2 weeks to check back in on baby to make sure things are still progressing. She said then she will relax a little. Seriously, she almost sold me on staying with her my whole pregnancy. I feel so incredibly comfortable with her and the care I'm receiving. I felt so at ease and so relieved. I am so happy that she was recommended to me. Now, I have to make the decision on whether I stay and give birth almost an hour away or go to the birth center. I've already decided that I will wait until after the first trimester to make that decision (and I will likely take the tour with the birth center). I'm just so damn happy with my care right now.

I don't have too much else to update. I haven't found baby on the Doppler yet, but I know it's still so early. I will continue trying. So far, I haven't let it worry me that I can't find it so I'm hoping I can continue to be responsible with it lol. My loss milestone based on measurements today, is Wednesday. I am still really nervous, but I'm certainly feeling more comfortable after having this ultrasound even though that wasn't necessarily a guarantee back with my first pregnancy (strong heartbeat at 7w5d and lost the baby at 8w0d). My mantra right now is basically something like my previous pregnancy does not dictate the outcome of this one. I am not doomed because it has happened before. It really is helping me for once to know the "odds."

I'll take a minute just to note how different and similar things are with Jill and this pregnancy with OWTs. I was a sick mess with Jill and only mild nausea occasionally now (although I threw up for the first time earlier this pregnancy) (nausea means girl). HR for Jill was in the 160s and this one 150s (low means girl). I don't remember what I got for Jill on the Chinese gender calendar, but this time I got girl on 3 different ones (I think two of them used my "lunar age" and one used both lunar age and "lunar month" and one used neither). With Jill, I ate all things sweet. This time, I'm really wanting the salty stuff (boy). Overall, I'm thinking it's a girl, but I really wouldn't be shocked if it was a boy. I know OWTs mean nothing and they have a 50/50 chance of being right, but it's still fun! I just have a girl feeling but it's really like a 60/40 feeling. We also supposedly conceived on O-3 which sways for girl according to the shettles method (apparently girl sperm survive longer or something like that)

How far along?  7w5d-8w1d
Symptoms? on and off nausea (more off)
Total weight gain/loss?  Down around 5lb
Maternity clothes?  After today, I'm feeling comfortable enough to make some purchases so I think I might go pick a few things up tomorrow.
Sleep?  I sleep as much as possible. This growing a baby thing is taxing! (also, who am I kidding? I fucking love sleep and I've always loved it!)
Best moment last week? Well, today was pretty fucking awesome!
Movement?  Not for a while, I'm sure.
Food cravings?  I've been wanting salty things like soy sauce-same but not as often
Gender? I'm thinking girl. We will likely find out at 16w again
Belly button in/out? In for a long time.
What I miss: Honestly? NADA
What I am looking forward to: My next ultrasound or finding the baby on the Doppler
Milestones: My next milestone will be Wednesday. I don't think I will find out for another week or more if baby makes it through

31w0d

9-11 weeks left! Time is slowing down slightly. Keith is gone and the excitement over the holidays is gone. Now I feel like I'm more in countdown mode until my shower, Keith is done with being underway, Jillian is due, my sister gets here, we move, etc. and it is making things seems so far off and the days are dragging. I'm also alone so I struggle trying to entertain myself for days and days in the house.

I went shopping with Cram again today (: I had a good time and I was glad to get out of the house. I came home and napped and had a tough time physically getting out of the bed though. I guess the extra weight from Jill is really putting some wear on my lady area. I feel like I did an intense work out!

I felt some hiccups before my nap today pretty low. I am hoping that and the kicks I was feeling right in the middle near my ribs mean that Jillian has flipped head down finally. My midwife says she still has plenty of room and not to worry about her position, but she seems to loooooove having her head on my right side and legs/feet on my left. I'm not worried, but I think I'd feel better if she was head down because I've heard at this point, they tend to stay that way once they switch.

Speaking of my midwife, I had my first appointment this past Monday. The office was pretty laid back (which I was ready for from reading reviews online). I weighed myself and brought my own urine sample to the lab lol. They're lucky I remembered the weight after I went back and sat in the waiting room to wait for the nurse! By the way, I weighed 138.8 on Monday.. today I weighed 135.0. I really hope I didn't lose. I know it isn't the scale, because I weighed the same on my home scale after my appointment Monday (I double checked because I was surprised that it was so high after the holidays). Anyways, my appointment went well. My fundal height is 2 weeks behind. This is the first time anyone has ever told me the measurement. She quickly followed it up by saying they like to see it within 2 weeks of where I really am. I'm hoping that is okay. I have a feeling Jillian is a tad small. Anyways, everything else looked great at my appt and I got to sit down and ask my midwife questions without feeling rushed or like I'm annoying her. She seems to have similar views on interventions as I do which made me feel great about the care I will hopefully receive when I go into labor. Next appt is Tuesday. I can't believe my appointments are so close together now!

Wish I had something more interesting to write about, but I had a huge post Thursday :P

How far along? 31w0d!
Total weight gain/loss? 138.8 at my last appt, but 135 today. Up 15-18lb in the last 11 weeks so pretty average weight gain since things have turned around
Stretch marks? No change this week
Sleep? Sleep is still giving me problems. Busting my pillow out has helped some. I have less crotch pain on the couch even though I get more broken sleep.. I can't win :P
Best moment last week? It honestly wasn't a great week. I think I have some winter blues. My appointment went well and I had fun shopping today!
Movement? I have felt hiccups 3 times in the last 2 days. I thought I was weird bc other March Mamas have been feeling hiccups for weeks and weeks and I hadn't felt them yet until now
Food cravings? I've been wanting wings lately
Belly button in/out? The top maybe 1/4 of it is out, the rest is just getting flatter, but is still in (so same)
Braxton Hicks/contractions? I had some tightening in my lower belly today after walking around for a while
What I miss: A good night's sleep
What I am looking forward to: my baby shower!!!
Milestones: Next up is 35 weeks with 35 days to go! (still about a month away though..)

Today at 31w exactly

21w1d

I know I say this pretty much every other week.. but really?! 21 fucking weeks?! Where have the last 4 months of my life gone?! I seriously hope the next 4 months go just as fast. I'm sure my birthday, going home for a few weeks, Thanksgiving, going to Chicago for Christmas, and New Years will at least make the next two fly.. then I'm sure time will stop right before Jillian is due to arrive :P

I had my regular check up Friday. I went in with a positive attitude. I've been pigging out lately. I've been feeling great. NO WAY have I not gained weight.. right?! right?! Yeah.. I haven't gained a single fucking pound. I know people keep telling me I'm not hurting Jillian. I know I am eating as much as I can. I don't really know how to describe the way I feel or why I feel this way, but I'll give it a go.

I am the kind of person that loves to research anything and everything. I read all of the pregnancy books, the apps, the websites, etc. Every single one of them tells me I should be up roughly 10lb right now. Every single one says towards 20 weeks, you should start gaining a pound a week. I know my doctor isn't panicking, but it is really scary for me. I feel like I'm failing my daughter. I feel like it'll hurt her down the line. I'm just outright scared that my body doesn't seem to be working like the typical pregnant woman's body. Yes, the anecdotal stories of how someone lost weight and had a big, healthy baby do really make me feel better. But, and it's a big "but," I cannot get that nagging scary feeling out of the back (who am I kidding?) FRONT of my mind. I don't really know if it's a PgAL thing. I don't know if it is because I am the world's biggest pessimist. I just know that I want my daughter to be healthy and strong and I want to be able to provide the best and as much for her as I can.

Anyways, the nurse weighed me. She asked me if I've been eating okay or feeling better. She was way more positive this time than last (she scared me with how concerned she acted last appt at 16w). My bp was fine. I had some protein in my urine, but it was probably nothing since my urine was so concentrated (I always get the morning appts).

The doctor came in and asked me if I had any concerns. I told him I was concerned about the weight loss and now that I'm not gaining a single thing. He said he wasn't concerned, but he wanted me to aim for the one pound a week from here on out. He looked at my charts and stuff and I glimpsed at the measurements listed on the a/s results. They were all 19w-19w5d (I was 19w5d at the scan). He said there weren't any remarkable notes on my results and that everything looked fine. Jill's hb was good and my uterus was where he expected it. It's the first time they measured it (as opposed to just feeling where it is), but he didn't tell me the measurements. I got my flu shot and I went on my way.

I went home and slept. I felt (and still feel) really defeated and upset. I'm not as upset as I was Friday, but as you can see above, I'm still clearly worried.

Other than my appointment, my week was pretty uneventful. I have a special Halloween version of my bump this week (I'll share a few pics)

How far along? 21w1d!
Total weight gain/loss? Down 20lb and haven't started going in the other direction yet..
Maternity clothes? I mix my old clothes with maternity clothes
Stretch marks? No new ones
Sleep? I could sleep all day still.
Best moment last week? Jill had a few pretty active days which were pretty cool
Movement? I think movement is increasing a bit, but not substantially
Food cravings? Cheese fries or queso
Gender? GIRL!
Belly button in/out? In for a long time. It's stretching a bit though.
What I miss: Booze
What I am looking forward to: My birthday.. lol I know it isn't baby-related
Milestones: I'm really looking forward to viability day at 24 weeks

20w4d - My bump looked pretty big like it popped (and got pointy lol)

20w6d - Pikachu bump! I guess Jill moved bc I'm not as pointy and large even just a few days later

Keith was Ash Ketchum and I was Pikachu. This was before I painted my cheeks and attached my tail

Happy tears

This morning I woke up with so much anxiety. I have really struggled with this weight loss crap (which I'm sure you can tell if you've been following since the beginning of my pregnancy) and I had convinced myself I hurt my baby. I was crying and shaking with fear. I guess I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's hard to believe that I'd be lucky enough to have a healthy take home baby in a few months. Keith wasn't able to go with me and my friend that I'd feel comfortable asking is out of town visiting her family.

I got to the doctor's office 30 freaking minutes early and sat in my car shaking trying to work up the courage to go in and look like a normal human being. I went in a little over 15 minutes early and they only had me wait in the waiting room for 3 minutes tops. They took me back way before my appointment time! I also didn't have to step on the scale before the appt which I'm sure would have made me worry even more. I laid right down and the tech got to work. She looked at the brain, measured the head, looked at the bladder and kidneys, measured my cervix, tooks pictures of the placenta (which she labeled as anterior). She went really in depth looking at the heart to make sure it had all four ventricles and connected properly to whatever it is supposed to connect to lol. She kept saying how beautiful the heart and ventricles were.

She asked me if I wanted to know the sex. I said, "yes" and I didn't tell her that I had an elective. I wanted an unbiased opinion. Jill showed us the three little lines! No penis in sight!

She measured 10 ounces which the tech said is great for how far along I am. I'm going to take her word for it because they consider me almost a week further along. She didn't tell me any length measurements, but I caught a glimpse on the screen and her leg measured 19w4d (I'm 19w5d today). That was enough to make me feel so incredibly relieved!

I was done with the scan 5 minutes after my original appointment time! I cried when I got to the car. I HAVE A HEALTHY BABY GIRL! The other shoe didn't drop yet. Everything is how it should be. I love my little leech. I'm so glad Jill took nutrients for herself before I got them lol. I didn't hurt my baby. My appetite is back and my nausea is minimal so if things continue to go this way, I should have a healthy and normal-sized little girl in a little over 4 months! Holy shit! I am on cloud nine!

her little foot!

17w1d

This has been a busy week! I'm writing some of this on Friday and I'll publish it with my full update and bump pic on my ticker change day (hopefully if I get around to it!)

Random: This second trimester seems to be flying by so far!

I started feeling baby Jill a bit in the beginning of week 15. I felt her again for sure the following Thursday (so I would have been 15w5d). I didn't feel her much all weekend though. Then Monday we had our u/s and found out she was facing my back. I figure that's why I wasn't feeling her. She started kicking away again definitely Wednesday night and I've been feeling her intermittently since. It started off as this weird tapping when I was laying on my side. I rolled over to my other side and it felt like butterflies. Since, it's mainly been the light tapping. I've had a few thumps more recently.

On Wednesday, I left to PA to visit my Oma in the hospital. She had surgery on her knees. I left to come back Thursday morning and Jill decided she'd kick my bladder pretty regularly for about 30 minutes at the beginning of my trip.. My daughter is so sweet and considerate! Finally I stopped feeling her. Towards the end of the 4.5-5 hour trip, she woke up I guess and continued kicked my bladder and sometimes I'd feel some pretty strong thumps under my belly button. Just as I was typing that last sentence, she kicked the laptop that's resting on my lower belly :P

I had my regular check up Friday. It was uneventful. The nurse seemed concerned about my weight loss (it has been 4 weeks since they've weighed me last) but my doctor said he's not worried about it. Jillian's hr was in the 140s and my uterus is right below my belly button. Anatomy scan is Oct 18! I'll be two days short of 20w!


How far along? 17w1d!
Total weight gain/loss? Our scale broke :P
Maternity clothes? I love my maternity jeans. They aren't necessary, but they're so comfy!
Stretch marks? Same stretch mark city on my back and sides.
Sleep? I could sleep all day still.
Best moment last week? Finding out I'm having a baby girl!
Movement? I feel her a little more every few days (:
Food cravings? Blimpies. I still don't have any strong cravings.
Gender? GIRL!
Belly button in/out? In for a long time. It's stretching a bit though.
What I miss: Not feeling sick every other day (I guess I should be thankful it's not as constant as before.. right?)
What I am looking forward to: My anatomy scan! I'd love to see Jill again and get her measurements
Milestones: Feeling movement!

10w6d NT scan!

Two posts in one week?! Still no bump pic though :P Maybe I'll take one tomorrow if I do my weekly post.
I had my NT scan today. Baby was dancing just like his/her dad! So much so that the tech had trouble getting the measurements. When she was finally done, the doctor came in to get better ones and jessuhbean wouldn't move at all for him! It was too funny. I have a crazy and stubborn child already. I'd say he/she takes after Keith! The measurements looked great and they will call me in about a week with the b/w results! It was all great except Keith couldn't get off of work! Hopefully we'll be having a gender scan in a little over a month and we'll work it around his schedule!
Now for my cutie!

Here's a pic my friend took of baby on the screen! I thought it was a pretty good profile!

Here's my favorite picture! Stupid doctor wrote on it with his pen.. he was trying to show me what was what like I'm an idiot.. it's pretty self explanatory in this pic and I'm not stupid

Here, he/she has his/her hands over his/her face (wow.. the he/she shit is annoying!)

All other news will be saved for tomorrow or whenever I'm feeling up for my FUCKING ELEVEN WEEK update! (sorry.. I'm pretty excited about making it this far and having a little leech inside that actually resembles a person instead of that cute little alligator!)



OOPS! Forgot to say that baby was measuring 10w5d (and literally a smidge big enough to get the measurements for the scan) and had a heart rate of 167bpm!

8w6d

Keith is off for the first time in forever so I probably won't post tomorrow at 9w exactly.
I haven't posted in a while because I was in a pretty dark place. I had given up hope on my little baby ): I was depressed and mentally preparing myself to have another d&c after my appointment. I don't have almost any symptoms anymore and that really scared me.

Soooooo.... There's a little baby inside me! I found the baby on the doppler Tuesday at 8w3d! It's the sweetest sound there ever was (: I love hearing my little washing machine :P

Then I had an awesome appointment on Wed at 8w4d (: I'm so happy I got to see my little bean! I guess I can't call him/her a little bean anymore because he/she has little arms and legs! I think it looks like a little dinosaur or an alligator :P Anyways, hb was in the 160s and he/she was measuring one day ahead of my O date. I will have my NT scan in a few weeks and then I'll have boring appt's until the anatomy scan (just blood pressure, weight, and doppler checks). I hope LO keeps growing! Here's my little jessuhbean:

How far along?  9 weeks tomorrow
Total weight gain/loss? I've lost 10lb as of this morning. I have no appetite ):
Maternity clothes?  I wear my belly band with all of my clothes. With the nausea, I can't stand having pressure on my stomach. I usually wear pjs at home because they aren't as tight.
Stretch marks? None yet
Sleep? I sleep a lot. I don't have that exhaustion during the day, but I'm getting more sleep at night since I quit my job.
Best moment last week? Seeing my little jessuhbean!
Movement?  Not for a while, I'm sure.
Food cravings?  Thinking of food makes me feel all gaggy. I can only stomach blimpies for the most part
Gender? No idea but I have strong girl vibes. Everyone keeps saying boy
Belly button in/out? In for a long time.
What I miss: Not much. I thought I'd miss alcohol a lot more, but when Keith drinks, it makes me want to gag. I don't really care for the smell at all. I had a non-alcoholic beer and haven't wanted a beer since.
What I am looking forward to: getting a little bump
Milestones: Getting the hell out of 1st tri! Less than a month away!


OOPS! I forgot my non-existant bump pic! I took it when I was walking out of the door today so ignore the sunglasses :P I think you can def tell I've lost weight. It's most noticeable in my face and stomach to me, but IDK about in the pic.

8 weeks today

 So, it's been a while since I've posted. Not a whole lot has been going on pregnancy-wise. Actually, not much in my life haha. It's been wake up, go to work, come home, see Keith (if he's not out to sea), go to bed. Throw in some eating, a whole lotta peeing, and a few naps and that's my daily schedule.

Tuesday was my first ob appointment! I thought it would never come and then all of a sudden it was time! My sister was supposed to go with me originally because Keith wasn't supposed to be home, but she ended up bailing. Keith was supposed to go for the whole thing but he ended up being about 30 min late and he missed the fun part (the u/s). I'm really glad he went though. Everything was so exciting and overwhelming, it was great to have him there just to hold my hand through it!

I went in and filled out the normal paperwork. They called me back right away and had me pee in a cup. Then I went in this room and they told me to strip down from the waist down! I had no idea it would happen so fast. I thought someone would sit and talk to me or something first. I didn't know I'd walk in the office and get naked and see my baby! I didn't even have time to process it. The whole day I tried not thinking about the appointment. I was so scared I'd go in there and they wouldn't find a heartbeat. I laid down and they lubed up this huge dildo-looking-wand and put a condom on it and shoved it right on in! The tech had the screen facing her so I could barely see. I was nervous because I didn't see anything in the first 30sec or so then she flipped the monitor around and showed me my precious baby! I was beyond elated. I could see its little heart thumping away. That's all I wanted. I didn't care about anything else. She let me listen to the heartbeat. It was 156 (according to old wives tales that means a boy)! She kept asking if I was okay because I was tearing up. She took some measurements and told me I was 7weeks5days (this was two days ago).

Keith got there right before I went in to talk to the nurse. She told me they were scheduling another ultrasound in a week to verify the gestational age and to make sure everything is going smoothly. At that appointment I'll have my full exam as well after the ultrasound! I can't believe I'll get to see my baby again! It's so awesome after thinking I'd only get to see him/her at the first u/s and then at 20 weeks and then when he/she is born!

Before I talked about how scared I was about miscarrying. Well after seeing a healthy baby those fears have all but left completely. I feel much more confident about getting excited. We decided to tell our families Tuesday as well. It feels so good to not have any secrets. It was especially hard not talking to my grandma about it because she is my very best friend. It's weird not talking to her about the biggest thing in my life.


Anyways, I work open-close tomorrow and then I'm going out for an hour or so for a girl on the boat's birthday so I need some sleep. I've been yawning the past two hours non-stop.

How far along? 8 weeks (only a few hours until 8w1d!)
Total weight gain/loss?  I weigh myself almost every morning and I weigh 125-126 (even 124 once!) but at the doctors office I weighed 127. I wonder if my scale is just off and I've always weighed one lb more than my scale at home tells me. Who knows?
Maternity clothes?  Not yet. I'm extremely bloated after breakfast until bed so I do wear a BeBand from Target so I can unbutton my work pants so they stop cutting into my tummy all day. I'm much more comfortable!
Stretch marks? I'm not showing. I have stretch marks from gaining weight and all in the past, no belly marks!
Sleep?  I'm always tired! I nap whenever Keith isn't home or when he's being extra nice. I don't get to see him much so he doesn't get so excited when I tell him I want a nap.
Best moment last week? Nothing really happened last week
Movement?  None yet.
Food cravings?  none yet. Well, sometimes when I see a picture of a certain food or someone talks about a food I really want it. Like bojangles or ice cream. But I haven't had a random urge pop into my mind yet
Gender? Don't know! I keep thinking that I want a girl, but everyone else keeps saying it'll be a boy, so maybe we'll be really surprised when the u/s tech says girl!
Labor signs? None.
Belly button in/out? In.
What I miss: Not being tired all the time
What I am looking forward to: My next appointment and seeing the baby's heartbeat one more time.
Milestones: I'm a raspberry! And I've completed about 60 days of my pregnancy! (56 actually would be 8 weeks I think)