25w0d!

Another "WTF how am I __ weeks along!?!?!?!" just popped into my head when I wrote that title..

Not much went on this week. Had a great Thanksgiving. Keith and I are just having a lazy Saturday afternoon after doing some shopping this morning. I got the rest of my newborn dipes in the mail today so I have an updated stash shot (only missing a few diapers from my completed collection).

I felt Jill kicking when I was standing up today for maybe only the second time. I guess that means she's getting bigger and stronger!

Below is my *almost* complete stash. I ordered 2 dozen NB prefolds yesterday (black Friday sale!!), and I am still waiting on the 2 Glowbugs (plus I picked up another.. so 3), and I ordered 2 Harry Potter customs by Meena and Max (One will be Harry flying on a broomstick that is similar to the one I have except the print will be all over instead of just one big image - the other has Hedwig and the HP with the snitch like my cover all over it.. if I am remembering these correctly). I will probably need some OS covers eventually (I might order a set of House Crests like my black cover) to go over the fitteds since they aren't waterproof. My stash totals come to... 37 OS diapers (including the ones I've already bought but not received) and one OS cover AND 42 newborn diapers, 24 prefolds, 6 newborn sized covers.. and then 48 wipes. WOWSA

I will need wet bags (on my registry), a bin, CD safe diaper rash cream, CD safe laundry detergent, and those OS covers I mentioned to complete everything CD-wise(unless we end up finding something doesn't work for us and then I'll try to sell and replace whatever that might be)

ONE SIZE STASH Top- (in random order) 6 bumgenius freetimes, 12 BG 4.0s Middle - random pocket, goodmama fitted, mamamade fitted, rockin' robbies AI2, 3 sunbabies, chloe's cloth fitted, 3 alvas Bottom - boogie bums fitted, 2 rockin' robbies AI2s, cutsie tooshie pocket, spider monkey designs cover (then the 6 prints I made for the wipes)

NEWBORN STASH Top row - 13 THX AIOs, 5 applecheeks size 1's, blueberry pocket xs 2nd and 3rd rows - XS BG AIOs 4th row - two random AIOs 5th row - 4 custom xs covers and one random cover (zebra) 6th row - bummies super whisper wrap NB size

I couldn't resist and got Jill this hat at Baby Gap today!

How far along? 25w0d, ~15 weeks to go!
Total weight gain/loss? Haven't weighed myself since last week, so assuming I weigh something similar, down 12lb for the pregnancy
Stretch marks? No new ones
Sleep? I don't really notice being extra tired lately, but it is getting hard to sleep through the night
Best moment last week? Coming home and seeing my husband
Movement? I feel her a lot now
Food cravings? Sweets
Belly button in/out? In, but I'm not sure how much longer until it starts popping out. It is a bit more shallow and it pretty stretched out now.
What I miss: Being comfortable when I'm sitting in bed
What I am looking forward to: 3rd tri and a big ole belly
Milestones: I'm pretty close to hitting double digits in my countdown! 105 more days as of today. 3rd tri is less than 2 weeks away!

25w0d

24w2d

Oops! I was busy this weekend so I didn't get to do my update! This will be relatively short. I have been SO busy with visiting family, but I am home now! I missed my husband and my bed so so so much!

Today, I hung up all of Jillian's clothes and put all of her stuff in the closet in our extra bedroom (it has been strewn all over the house as we collect things here and there). We will be moving in April, so Jill won't get a nursery until we move. She'll likely be in a pack-n-play or something comparable in our room until we move. We plan on buying her crib and dresser, but only using the dresser until we move. I ran out of room in the tubs for her clothes, so I decided to hang it all up.

This is before I ran out and bought 35 more hangers (which turned out to not be enough..). On the left, there is a tub and box full of clothes and some blankets. The right has a tub of her diapers. I have since hung up all of the clothes I could from the left and moved her diapers into the big tub on the left (OS and inserts) and into a small crate (newborn). The random knicknacks we have for her and the blankets and clothes I didn't have hangers for (plus things like pants that aren't hung up) are now in that smaller patterned tub. This child will not be getting any more clothes from me :P

My sister and a friend both offered to throw me and Jillian a shower! I didn't think I'd get one because no one had offered and I won't be heading back to VA for family to throw me one. It will likely be Potter themed and in mid-late February (so mega close to my DD.. hope that works out lol). I am so excited!

We hit Vday on Saturday and I couldn't be more thrilled! My belly is definitely growing too!

I'm gonna edit out some of my survey questions bc they're the same answers every week (maternity clothes and sex)

How far along? 24w2d
Total weight gain/loss? Goodness.. my scale says I'm 128 (up 8 lb..). I have an appt next Monday
Stretch marks? No new ones
Sleep? I don't really notice being extra tired lately
Best moment last week? Hanging out with my nephew
Movement? She kicks me loads (I will likely edit out this question soon too.. )
Food cravings? Subway today
Belly button in/out? In, but I'm not sure how much longer until it starts popping out. It is a bit more shallow and it pretty stretched out now.
What I miss: Nothing right now. I'd like to not have a sore crotch all of the time!
What I am looking forward to: 3rd tri and a big ole belly
Milestones: I'm pretty close to hitting double digits in my countdown! 110 more days as of today. 3rd tri is less than 3 weeks away!

How crazy! 20w and 24w (same sweater)

23 weeks

One week until viability day!!! Basically that means that baby Jillian will have a fighting chance if I were to go into preterm labor after 24 weeks with each day closer to full term making her odds even better. This is a huge milestone in my book. I know so many other things can go wrong, but any time the odds shift in my favor makes me feel a little bit better.

Today, my grandma and I went to the outlets and shopped the sales for Jill.. Omg I have no idea how we bought so much for her.. I will add pics, but I'm on mobile so I think it'll add them to the bottom of the post. We ended up scoring 4 sleepers, 4 dresses, 3 sweaters, 8 pants, 2 leggings, 16 onesies, 2 shirts and a hat. We bought everything in 6 month sizes because she's already loaded with newborn and quite a few 3 months. I honestly couldn't remember how many 0-3 months she has so I didn't want to buy that size. She's going to be the cutest dressed little girl!

I got a sweet video of baby Jill kicking my stomach. Other than that, not much is going on. I'm getting a tiny bit bigger and having a blast (mainly) visiting family. I'm really missing Keith, but I have another week to go before I head back home. I can't wait to see him!!

How far along? 23w0d
Total weight gain/loss? I've gained 1.3lb since my last appointment!
Maternity clothes? I wear maternity jeans almost every day and use a mix of my old tops and some new maternity. Maternity isn't really necessary, but it makes my bump look like a bump rather than a few too many beers
Stretch marks? No new ones
Sleep? I could sleep all day still. In fact, I'm having a hard time staying awake right now and I have only been awake for 13 hours today
Best moment last week? Hanging out with my nephew
Movement? She's kicking up a storm in my belly right now. She's getting so strong which hopefully means she's growing nice and big!
Food cravings? I haven't really had any
Gender? GIRL!
Belly button in/out? In for a long time. It's stretching a bit though.
What I miss: Not really anything. I feel normal (except I can't drink.. bummer)
What I am looking forward to: 3rd tri and a big ole belly
Milestones: I'm really looking forward to viability day at 24 weeks! Only one week away!!

 

22w1d

I have no idea where the last week went. I barely can comprehend that I'm 22 weeks right now.. I feel like I just wrote an update yesterday.

Honestly, I'm not even feeling pregnant lately except for this little person kicking me all day and it hurts to lay on my back. I have pretty much no symptoms (unless feeling like a bottom-less pit and wanting cookies and ice cream 24/7 are symptoms). It is so weird after being completely miserable for the first 4 months. I fully expected to continue to feel miserable until Jillian was on the outside. I am SO glad I feel normal (other than the weird twitching feeling my belly makes most of the day).

Movement has really increased in the last week. I also have a feeling Jillian is completely diagonal in there. I keep feeling her near my hips on one side and then to the left of my belly button by a few inches on the other. Maybe that's why my bump was big one day and then back to normal the next. I'm assuming she's a bit more stretched out and laying across my belly instead of head down and feet up like she was at my a/s.

I'm gonna (hopefully quickly) touch on my weird loss feelings. One of my good friends had her baby this week. I remember vividly when my husband told me she was pregnant. It wasn't terribly long after I miscarried for the second time. He walks in the door all cheery and looks at me and says, "So and so is.." and then makes a round belly gesture with his hand. I cried. I felt awful. I felt sad for me and I felt bad that I wasn't jumping for joy for her. I honestly felt really guilty.

I stopped talking to her and hanging out with her as much. It was really hard. I think at first she was very shocked. It hurt me that she got something I wanted so badly and she didn't seem to be totally thrilled about it (which was totally unfair since she could have been jumping for joy inside and I didn't know. She isn't the type to AW or brag about things). When we were with friends, everyone asked her a million questions and I just sat back trying to keep it cool. Then, after it sunk in maybe?, she started talking about the baby and seemed to be really excited. I was the bitter bitch that couldn't stand it either way.. I feel like I was acting pretty irrational. I wasn't even attempting to be happy for her. She really couldn't win.

I apologized to her. I think she could tell it was pretty awkward for me. We've been fine ever since. After I got over it, I felt comfortable talking to her about her pregnancy (and I honestly cared and wanted to know) and even shared some of my story with her. Whether she cared or not (although she's so sweet so I'm sure she didn't mind), I unloaded some things to her that I really hadn't shared out loud to a real person. It felt good.

Anyways, I got bit by the cousin of that jealousy bug again this week. I am jealous she's snuggling her little one (who is CRAZY adorable). This time it is SO different than hearing that she was knocked up. I am jealous that Jillian isn't here yet. I wasn't aching for my March 12 or September 12 baby. I ached to hold my little girl. I do feel guilty for feeling that way. I know there's no controlling my feelings and reactions, but it still feels wrong. It feels like I am satisfied with Jill (for lack of a better term). Like I said a few weeks ago, I don't wish those pregnancies had turned out differently any more. I don't think, "oh, I should be holding my 7 month old or my almost two month old." I think, "damn, I wish March was sooner so I can meet this little booger that keeps punching me!"

Maybe that's me moving forward a little more? Maybe this is how others feel when they finally get their rainbow. Maybe not. I'm just going to tell myself that there isn't a "right" way to feel about loss so I don't feel as bad about how happy I am. (and this totally turned into a long thing.. lol! Sorry to the 3 people that read my blog!)

I know everyone has probably heard enough, but I'm still worried (every day) and I'm still scared about Jillian's size. I have a feeling she was measuring a bit small at my anatomy scan, but I don't know how small is too small.. according to this fetus growth measurement calculator I found online, Jill was in the 10th percentile for size at the a/s.. kind of.. Okay it makes you put in even weeks (like 20, 21, 22 vs 21w2d). So, I had to round up two days because I was 19w5d and it only lets you put in 20 weeks. I don't know how much of a big deal 2 days is in ounces at that point.. In my March 13 fb group, Jill was measuring smaller than almost everyone that reported weight except those that were around 18 weeks. I know I need to drop it and trust that my doctor would say something if there was something up (especially since I told him I was concerned about my weight loss last week).

I am going home next week for two weeks, so my posts will be mobile and might suck. Also, Monday is my birthday!

This turned into a really long post.. Oops! I guess I had more to say than I thought

How far along? 22w1d!
Total weight gain/loss? Down 20lb and haven't started going in the other direction yet..
Maternity clothes? I mix my old clothes with maternity clothes
Stretch marks? No new ones
Sleep? I could sleep all day still.
Best moment last week? Feeling great
Movement? She's moving like crazy in there most days now
Food cravings? Sweets today. I really wanted some damn cookies!
Gender? GIRL!
Belly button in/out? In for a long time. It's stretching a bit though.
What I miss: Not really anything. I feel normal (except I can't drink.. bummer)
What I am looking forward to: going home to see my nephew!
Milestones: I'm really looking forward to viability day at 24 weeks

 

21w5d

21w1d

I know I say this pretty much every other week.. but really?! 21 fucking weeks?! Where have the last 4 months of my life gone?! I seriously hope the next 4 months go just as fast. I'm sure my birthday, going home for a few weeks, Thanksgiving, going to Chicago for Christmas, and New Years will at least make the next two fly.. then I'm sure time will stop right before Jillian is due to arrive :P

I had my regular check up Friday. I went in with a positive attitude. I've been pigging out lately. I've been feeling great. NO WAY have I not gained weight.. right?! right?! Yeah.. I haven't gained a single fucking pound. I know people keep telling me I'm not hurting Jillian. I know I am eating as much as I can. I don't really know how to describe the way I feel or why I feel this way, but I'll give it a go.

I am the kind of person that loves to research anything and everything. I read all of the pregnancy books, the apps, the websites, etc. Every single one of them tells me I should be up roughly 10lb right now. Every single one says towards 20 weeks, you should start gaining a pound a week. I know my doctor isn't panicking, but it is really scary for me. I feel like I'm failing my daughter. I feel like it'll hurt her down the line. I'm just outright scared that my body doesn't seem to be working like the typical pregnant woman's body. Yes, the anecdotal stories of how someone lost weight and had a big, healthy baby do really make me feel better. But, and it's a big "but," I cannot get that nagging scary feeling out of the back (who am I kidding?) FRONT of my mind. I don't really know if it's a PgAL thing. I don't know if it is because I am the world's biggest pessimist. I just know that I want my daughter to be healthy and strong and I want to be able to provide the best and as much for her as I can.

Anyways, the nurse weighed me. She asked me if I've been eating okay or feeling better. She was way more positive this time than last (she scared me with how concerned she acted last appt at 16w). My bp was fine. I had some protein in my urine, but it was probably nothing since my urine was so concentrated (I always get the morning appts).

The doctor came in and asked me if I had any concerns. I told him I was concerned about the weight loss and now that I'm not gaining a single thing. He said he wasn't concerned, but he wanted me to aim for the one pound a week from here on out. He looked at my charts and stuff and I glimpsed at the measurements listed on the a/s results. They were all 19w-19w5d (I was 19w5d at the scan). He said there weren't any remarkable notes on my results and that everything looked fine. Jill's hb was good and my uterus was where he expected it. It's the first time they measured it (as opposed to just feeling where it is), but he didn't tell me the measurements. I got my flu shot and I went on my way.

I went home and slept. I felt (and still feel) really defeated and upset. I'm not as upset as I was Friday, but as you can see above, I'm still clearly worried.

Other than my appointment, my week was pretty uneventful. I have a special Halloween version of my bump this week (I'll share a few pics)

How far along? 21w1d!
Total weight gain/loss? Down 20lb and haven't started going in the other direction yet..
Maternity clothes? I mix my old clothes with maternity clothes
Stretch marks? No new ones
Sleep? I could sleep all day still.
Best moment last week? Jill had a few pretty active days which were pretty cool
Movement? I think movement is increasing a bit, but not substantially
Food cravings? Cheese fries or queso
Gender? GIRL!
Belly button in/out? In for a long time. It's stretching a bit though.
What I miss: Booze
What I am looking forward to: My birthday.. lol I know it isn't baby-related
Milestones: I'm really looking forward to viability day at 24 weeks

20w4d - My bump looked pretty big like it popped (and got pointy lol)

20w6d - Pikachu bump! I guess Jill moved bc I'm not as pointy and large even just a few days later

Keith was Ash Ketchum and I was Pikachu. This was before I painted my cheeks and attached my tail

20w2d

I don't really have any updates since I had a huge one earlier this week. I've been feeling great and eating a bunch! I hope that I've put on some weight by my appointment next Friday.

I made some cloth wipes for Jillian. They are 8x8 and will fit in regular wipes containers folded in half. One side is a flannel print and the other is pink terry cloth. I have 2 more prints (blue with crowns and purple polka dots with skulls and peace signs) that aren't pictured for a total of 48 wipes! I had fun.

 Next, I think I'm going to attempt a crib skirt. I really want to do a Harry Potter nursery. I think I'm going to put that in its own post later on with my ideas once I confirm with Keith that he's on board (I'm sure he doesn't care lol)

How far along? 20w2d!
Total weight gain/loss? Still haven't replaced the scale (I will be weighed on Friday)
Maternity clothes? I love my maternity clothes, but I still wear pre-pregnancy shirts
Stretch marks? Same stretch mark city on my back and sides, but no new ones surprisingly
Sleep? I could sleep all day still.
Best moment last week? My anatomy scan
Movement? I still don't feel her more often, but she's getting more feisty! Keith got to feel her a few times one night because she was kicking so hard
Food cravings? No consistent cravings, but I salivate over different foods when someone talks about them or I see them on TV
Gender? STILL A GIRL!
Belly button in/out? In for a long time. It's stretching a bit though.
What I miss: I'm loving this week, so nothing!
What I am looking forward to: Feeling Jillian more often and getting some baby gear in the house now that we feel a bit more comfortable
Milestones: I hit half-baked. I'm really looking forward to viability day at 24 weeks

My lop-sided belly and boobs. I have a smaller left boob and my belly is a little bigger on the left :P My bump looks so much bigger to me from above than it does in the mirror or pictures.

Happy tears

This morning I woke up with so much anxiety. I have really struggled with this weight loss crap (which I'm sure you can tell if you've been following since the beginning of my pregnancy) and I had convinced myself I hurt my baby. I was crying and shaking with fear. I guess I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's hard to believe that I'd be lucky enough to have a healthy take home baby in a few months. Keith wasn't able to go with me and my friend that I'd feel comfortable asking is out of town visiting her family.

I got to the doctor's office 30 freaking minutes early and sat in my car shaking trying to work up the courage to go in and look like a normal human being. I went in a little over 15 minutes early and they only had me wait in the waiting room for 3 minutes tops. They took me back way before my appointment time! I also didn't have to step on the scale before the appt which I'm sure would have made me worry even more. I laid right down and the tech got to work. She looked at the brain, measured the head, looked at the bladder and kidneys, measured my cervix, tooks pictures of the placenta (which she labeled as anterior). She went really in depth looking at the heart to make sure it had all four ventricles and connected properly to whatever it is supposed to connect to lol. She kept saying how beautiful the heart and ventricles were.

She asked me if I wanted to know the sex. I said, "yes" and I didn't tell her that I had an elective. I wanted an unbiased opinion. Jill showed us the three little lines! No penis in sight!

She measured 10 ounces which the tech said is great for how far along I am. I'm going to take her word for it because they consider me almost a week further along. She didn't tell me any length measurements, but I caught a glimpse on the screen and her leg measured 19w4d (I'm 19w5d today). That was enough to make me feel so incredibly relieved!

I was done with the scan 5 minutes after my original appointment time! I cried when I got to the car. I HAVE A HEALTHY BABY GIRL! The other shoe didn't drop yet. Everything is how it should be. I love my little leech. I'm so glad Jill took nutrients for herself before I got them lol. I didn't hurt my baby. My appetite is back and my nausea is minimal so if things continue to go this way, I should have a healthy and normal-sized little girl in a little over 4 months! Holy shit! I am on cloud nine!

her little foot!