One month!

Holy moly. It is really hard to find time with two hands to blog. This is going to be quick bc Jill is likely going to wake up hungry pretty soon. I just wanted to do a quick update anyways.

We are MOVING SOON! I am so stoked about moving out of this terrible townhouse. We have a super huge 2600 (I thought it was 2400) sq ft house with a 2 car garage, fenced in backyard, screened in back patio, 3BR, 2.5BA, FUCKING AMAZING HOUSE! Okay.. I'm all excited and I haven't even seen it yet except for like 6 pictures Keith took. Keith went to SC last week to house hunt and fell in love with the first house he went to see! He is a snob and likes nice things (I'm the cheap one of the two of us) so, if he is this excited about it, then I know it is going to be awesome! The best part is all of the Southern food that I've been missing over the last year and a quarter!

Our plan is for me and Jill to fly down to VA so we can visit with my family and then Keith is going to drive down and pick us up and take us the rest of the way to SC. THEN a few weeks later we are driving to IL to visit his family. I am so excited to see them, but the drive is going to be killer ):

Cloth diapering- We love it. I actually hate prefolds so we don't have near as many diapers as I thought for newborn. I have a very skinny legged child so I have trouble getting some of her diapers to fit around her legs. My favorite diapers are probably the BG XS and then the THX (knock off Lil Joeys) are our second favorite. They're both AIOs, but the BGs are very trim. The THX are pretty big, but have the double gussets which are nice for containing poop. We don't have enough diapers to wash every other day so we are being lazy and using disposables at night. It was easier for me at first because we are using the ones with the color changing line if the diaper is soiled, but now it'd be fine to use any diapers since she at least pees every time she sleeps at night.

Speaking of sleeping at night.. I was so excited when Jill's pedi said I could stop setting alarms every 4 hours at night to feed her when she hit 4 weeks old (last Wed). I had to wake her almost every night since we'd brought her home when that alarm went off. I don't know how long she would have slept otherwise. I was counting down until that 4 weeks so I could get maybe 5-6 hours of sleep. That little butthead hasn't slept more than a 4 hour stretch since she hit 4 weeks.. GAH! 4 hours sounds pretty good, except I am terrible at falling asleep. I sit there after she feeds and rock her or just hold her until I'm positive she's asleep (bc she'll wake up if I move her when she's not dead to the world and then I have to start all over trying to get her to sleep). Then, I put her in her rock n play and listen/watch to make sure she's really asleep for about 10-20min. THEN I lay down and try to sleep (which usually takes me a while anyways bc I have trouble falling asleep), but I am wide awake because I just spent an hour nursing her and changing her diaper and getting her to sleep. I really don't get to sleep the whole stretch that she goes in between feeds. It was tough when Keith was gone bc sometimes he'd rock her to sleep for me after I feed her if I'm having a rough time getting her back to sleep.

Since Keith has been home, she has been going down at night later ): I think I'm going to try a small schedule with her. Mainly just trying to keep her awake from 6 or 7 until 8 or 9 so she goes down at 9 or 10 instead of the 1am that she went down last night and the night before. She used to always go down for her longer stretches at 9:30 or 10 which was great with me! Hopefully, it will work out. If not, I will just deal with it and try again in a few weeks to get her to bed a bit earlier!

Breastfeeding has been going really great lately. I have almost no pain now. It is mainly just discomfort after a session (never during feeding unless she was cluster feeding that day) and my nipples get that chapped feeling if she nurses a lot. She has been eating a lot during the day (like every hour in the evenings) which makes it difficult to leave the house in the evening ): I still love it. I pumped and saved so I could have a night where I had more than a glass of wine. It was totally not worth it! Jill had a lot of trouble with the few bottles we've given her here and there. I think I will save drinking for a true special occasion or drinking with a group bc drinking at home wasn't all that fun and I was stressed trying to get her to eat (most of the milk would come out of her mouth).

Well, those are my updates! Jill has an appointment tomorrow morning and I"m excited to see how much she weighs!

Birth story part 2 and general updates

So, it is tough getting time on the comp with this sweet baby to feed and stare at all day!

Back to my story!

Like I said, I tried breastfeeding with Jillian while we were still in the delivery room and they were cleaning me and her up, but she wasn't having it because she was coughing up little fluid bubbles. All is well though because I was able to breastfeed a little when we got into our own pp maternity room. She has had a great latch since the beginning, but it still hurt like hell to nurse her. I had some scabs after the second day. I was reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and it says BFing should never hurt. I was scared she wasn't getting enough because she wasn't feeding correctly even though the lactation consultants said she was doing great and she was having the appropriate number of wet and dirty diapers. I am taking that book with a grain of salt from now on.

The first night, I didn't sleep a wink. I was wide awake and on this almost high feeling. I felt no pain from the delivery and I was almost deliriously happy. I didn't sleep until the next evening and that was barely. I didn't like Jill being in her bassinet. I felt better holding her or having Keith hold her. The second night and day, Jill started cluster feeding. It was one of the hardest things to get through. The pain was toe curling because she was nursing almost constantly with only 20min to maaaaaybe an hour in between feedings.

We got to go home the third morning (Friday). It was pretty awesome walking out of the hospital with MY baby. I still can't believe she is mine and that I made her and carried her. I have wanted her for so so long. It makes all of the pain of the last two years 1000% worth it. Every tear and heartache was worth it. I wouldn't trade her for anything even when she is crying and nothing seems to soothe her or she is cluster feeding and I'm in pain.

meeting big brother, Optimus!

Our first few days went great. On Saturday night, I passed a clot about half the size of my fist in my underwear. It scared the shit out of me. It is insanely disgusting and scary to see something that large made out of your blood that just fell out of you. I called the on call doctor and he told me it was fine, but to watch for more bleeding. The first few days, I stayed up at night with Jill and Keith watched her for a good part of the morning/afternoon so I could sleep. I got in the shower at the beginning of Keith's shift Sunday morning because Jillian had her 4 day check up appointment at the pedi's office that morning. I passed a clot the size of a fist in the shower. I was freaking out at this point. I was told to call if I passed a clot the size of a fist or several clots adding up to that size and now I had passed two that added up to 1.5 that amount or more. I called the on call again and he told me to head to the ER. I tried holding back tears. I fed Jill and we packed her diaper bag and left at about 5:30am.

We got to the ER and got into a room pretty quickly. I had to have an ultrasound. The tech did an external first and the radiologist wasn't happy with it so they had to do the internal (ouch! I had stitches from tearing). They also took my blood. The doctor came in and said I had lost a lot of blood during delivery and that now my blood levels were borderline needing a blood transfusion and possibly a d&c if the u/s showed retained products of conception. Commence freak out. I started crying pretty hard because I was scared and Keith had to leave to take Jill to her first appt without me. I was so sad.

The nurse came in and told me the second blood draw showed no change in blood counts and that they'd be keeping me overnight for observation. She also said the ultrasound showed nothing and that I couldn't have Jill or Keith spend the night with me. I was pretty devastated and bawling at this point. I didn't want my baby away from me for 12 hours (visiting hours are 7-7) and she'd have to have formula because I hadn't pumped before. I asked for a pump to start pumping and they brought me a fucking manual pump.. We waited and waited in emergency even though I had already been told I would be admitted. They even moved me to another room in emergency (with all of the sick people coming in and out of the ER..) AFTER they told me I'd be admitted. I didn't understand what we were waiting for. Keith and I were arguing because he was pissed that Jill was around all the sick people and he was terrible to be around (he wasn't mad at me, he was just miserable and very grumpy towards everyone). I pumped and pumped and pumped for hours and only got half an ounce.. We were in emergency for about 8 hours before we were wheeled to an inpatient room (btw they had several open..). FINALLY we had nurses that acted like they knew what they were talking about.

I had a break down and Keith finally asked them to just discharge us. I was barely bleeding in my pad and obviously it wasn't some huge emergency since we had just been sitting around all day. I cried like crazy and tried to explain to the nurse in charge how I was feeling and about our terrible experience and the lack of communication. She ordered another blood draw and told me that I actually had improved levels at my earlier blood draw. I was waiting on the OB to deliver two patients to come talk to me and he would decide if I could go. After we had been there for 12 hours, I finally got to talk to him. He explained to me that it was always his plan to have me there for 10-12 hours to do several blood draws to confirm that my second blood draw and count raise was "real" and he was happy to say that my third draw showed about triple the raise as the first raise. He also told me that they DID see something on the ultrasound, but that the radiologist said it wasn't likely that it was products of conception and it was probably another large clot, but that they couldn't say for sure (the ER nurse basically told me a load of misinformation). He let us leave just in time for my sister to get in at the airport. It was one of the worst days of my life. It was so stressful and I basically just cried the whole last few hours from all of the stress. I have been fine since that day as far as bleeding.

I will try to make the rest of this quicker lol. Things at home have been going great. My sister and dad came to visit and it was a great time. We are glad to have some time at home as a family though now that they're gone. It is definitely hard to keep up with cooking and housework now though!

Jillian lost the regular weight while in the hospital. She started at 7lb8oz and was down to 6lb14oz when we left. At her 4 day check up, she was up to 7lb1oz and today at her two week visit, she was up to 7lb11oz! I am so proud of both of us lol. Breastfeeding has been challenging and formula feeding has been very enticing when she's going through a growth spurt, or my nipples hurt, or I am being woken up at 3am by a screaming baby and Keith can't do anything to help me feed her. I also love it. I love the closeness. I love sleeping with her after she passes out. I love knowing that I am providing for her and helping her grow. I love the faces she makes when she's trying to find the boob. It gets easier every day.

I will try to write more frequently, but Keith goes back to work Friday and we are moving in a month so I need to get my shit together.

Meet my baby! part 1

Sorry facebook friends, I don't have any new pictures to add up here since I pretty much post all of them to fb (except for the ones with boob in them which I won't be posting on the internet at all lol).

Jillian is 7 days old already! But obviously this story starts about a week ago (:

Let us go back to last Monday at 40w2d!

Keith and I went to my appointment with the doctor to do the ultrasound on Jill. She was looking good and her fluid was great all except behind her butt (which the dr didn't seem concerned over). He did another cervical check and stripped my membranes and said I was 1 cm and 50% effaced.. so almost no change since the previous week. He recommended having a gel applied on my cervix that afternoon and then again the next day in case we had to induce (inductions are more likely to fail or end in emergency c/s if the cervix isn't "favorable"). We headed to the hospital where they did another NST and then applied the gel. I had to sit there for an hour on the contraction and hb monitors to make sure Jill reacted well to the gel. We headed home, and, about 2 hours later, contractions started. They started at about 5-7min apart and lasted a minute. They slowly got to about 5min apart and lasted a minute. I was so excited! That went on until about 2 am when I finally fell asleep. I woke up to the contractions only coming about every 7min and not constantly. I was pretty bummed after thinking that the gel pushed me into labor (the nurse said it is pretty uncommon for that to happen with first time moms). I tried to stay positive and tell myself that at least the contractions probably helped my cervix progress.

So we went in at 11am the next morning for round 2 of this gel. When I was checked, I had only dilated to 1.5cm and was only 70% effaced.. I wanted to cry lol. The nurse told me that contractions after the gel were normal. I wish someone had told me the day before!! I wouldn't have gotten so excited and now I was dreading this round bc I knew I'd have another night of dealing with the annoying contractions (they were probably only a 4 on a scale of 10). After they placed the gel, the contractions picked up immediately this time (I was still having intermittent ones all morning). They were a bit more painful than the day before, but I didn't bother timing them bc I knew they weren't the real deal. About 4 hours later, I took a unisom and took a nap on the couch at about 3. At 7, I started being woken up by every contraction, but I didn't think much of it so I didn't start timing them or anything. I was just annoyed that I still had them (the nurse said they should only last 3-4 hours and it had been 7). I still laid there and kept falling in and out of sleep. At about 7:30, I felt this weird movement and heard (or at least thought I heard) a popping noise. Jill had never moved that fast so I thought maybe my water broke. I didn't get up and just waited to see if I started getting wet and nothing. Finally, I decided to head upstairs and as I was walking up stairs, I soaked my underwear. I ran to the toilet and it kept coming (not gushing, but probably a steady flow for a little bit). I wiped and noticed it was an orangey pink color and I was fairly certain it wasn't urine bc it didn't smell at all. I sat there for a while until I was convinced it wasn't me wetting my pants bc it kept coming (although not terribly heavy).

That's when the contractions started to hurt pretty badly. I would say they started to be about a 6. I called down to Keith and he was so excited that this was it. I knew even if the contractions didn't continue because they weren't "real" then I'd only have a certain amount of time before I'd have to deliver due to the risk of infections. I called the on-call number and the OB told me I could come in, but I didn't have to right away. I could labor at home for a while. I decided to get showered. Keith was timing my contractions when I was in the shower and they were every 3-4min and 1-1min15sec long. They started being pretty bad and I couldn't talk through them. I still wanted to wait and try to labor some more at home so I put a bunch of towels on the bed and labored on all fours while I sent Keith to DD to get a sandwich since I hadn't eaten since lunch time. Every time I had a contraction, I had to talk myself through it. They were probably a 7 to an 8 and they were hard to manage. I scarfed down my sandwich in between contractions and I decided I wanted to go to the hospital. I was scared bc I thought I was getting the urge to push through some of them (really it feels like you need to poop).

The ride to the hospital and walk through emergency to l&d was absolutely terrible. I really don't know how I did it. The contractions were very very painful and I had to moan and almost yell through them. They got me in a room and I got into the hospital gown by 11pm. At this point, I had decided on the epidural. I assumed that I'd go into the hospital and they tell me I was dilated to about a 4 and I knew I couldn't do this well into the next day. They checked me and I was actually a 6. I was almost to transition (7-10cm) and I was scared shitless bc I'd heard transition is the absolute hardest part and my pain was already at an 8 or 9. They got me checked in and started the IV fluids bc you need them to get the epi to keep your blood pressure stabilized. The nurse checked me before the anesthesiologist got in and I was an 8 already. She assured me that I could get the epi up until I was a 9 and that once I was in transition, the epi wouldn't stall my labor. I really wanted to avoid pitocin if possible. I was too scared that pit contractions would be too hard on Jillian. So far, she was doing great through the labor as far as her HR was.

The anesthesiologist came in and it took him three tries to place the epi. He kept getting blood vessels. The hardest part was staying completely still during contractions that were coming every 3 minutes or so. The only thing that kept me going was knowing I'd have some sort of relief if I stayed still and the nurse was freaking amazing and super supportive. After the epi was placed, I was a different person lol. I was smiling and laughing. I had absolutely no pain at first. The doctor came in because I told the nurse I had the urge to push when I was having contractions during the epi. My contractions almost stopped and the doctor was waiting around for what seemed forever to check me during a contraction. When I finally had another, I was a 10 and ready to push. I am not sure what time I started pushing, but Jillian arrived at 1:23am after me getting to the hospital at a 6 at 10:30. I progressed extremely fast. My contractions were spaced about 4-5min apart so I didn't push too frequently which was nice. I got to feel her head when she crowned and have immediate skin to skin.

Jillian Rose was born 03-13-13 at 1:23am weighing 7lb8oz and 19in long. She had a little trouble clearing her lungs and they had to suction them, but she didn't need to be taken from the room or anything. I wasn't able to breastfeed in recovery because of this, but it has been going great since.

This is getting very long and baby girl wants the boob so I think I will talk about our hospital stay in a part 2 of this post!

40w1d

I guess technically I am 40w1d. It is 12:24am as I start this post lol. I am not surprised to be here I guess. Surprisingly, I am not totally over being pregnant. Yes, I definitely want to meet my little girl like last month, but I don't feel 40 weeks pregnant. I guess I just expected to be a lot bigger and a lot more uncomfortable. I am still having plenty of pain and it brings me to tears sometimes when I try to get out of bed. I am also short of breath and get tired pretty quickly, but it is all manageable for the most part. I obviously have never been this pregnant before, but I always imagined it way worse and thought I'd be gigantically huge and puffy.

I am having no early labor signs that I can tell. Before my first cervical check (at 38w6d), I was thinking every little twinge and cramp meant I was dilating and/or thinning out. I was "just starting to thin" and closed with a high cervix so I know I was just over analyzing everything. This past week, I have felt pretty normal. I have been having a few BHs here or there, but I still hadnt really progressed at my appt at 39w6d. The midwife had a really hard time reaching my cervix (but she could feel baby's head) and said I was about a 1 (I honestly got the feeling she was trying not to let me get discouraged). She didn't mention how effaced my cervix was. I go back Monday afternoon (40w2d) to have an ultrasound where they will check on Jillian and make sure she's healthy and has enough fluid and all of that good stuff. The midwife mentioned applying some gels to the cervix to help ripen it. I don't have much faith in that bc I read up on it and it sounds a lot like what I've been doing with Evening Primrose Oil that has obviously had no affect on my cervix.

My lovely Crammy keeps saying she thinks Jillian will be here on a Thursday and when Keith told me his grandma's birthday is this coming Thursday, I got a weird feeling that maybe that's our special day (Jill's middle name is after his grandma). Idk if it is a true "funny feeling" or "intuition" but I can't get it out of my head now. It might be just bc I think it'd be sweet though. I guess we will see come Thursday!

I am curious to see what all is discussed and suggested at my appt Monday. My midwife didn't say anything specific, but her overall attitude after my cervical check made me feel kind of defeated. I know you "hear" of these women being closed one day and then delivering within days of that, but I honestly don't know anyone where that was the case. She was just so negative even though I know she was likely just trying to prepare me for the possibility of an induction. I am trying to just let the thoughts get out of my head and be positive and hopeful that Jill will decide she finally wants to join the fun on the outside within the next few days without being straight up evicted. I would rather either schedule a c section or have a vaginal delivery. I am scared that an induction (especially with my cervix not being "favorable") will lead to a long and hard labor and an emergency section. I'd feel like that would be way more traumatic than just going into it knowing I will have surgery. I am hoping I will know more on Monday about what my doctor recommends as far as waiting out an induction. I am honesty terrified of cervidil and pitocin and I am hoping I can avoid those drugs at all costs. I guess that's why I am so set on not having the epidural. I am not trying to be the martyr and I certainly hate pain, but I don't want the epi to stall my labor so I need pit and that stresses out Jill so I need an emergency c section.

Anyways, I need to try and sleep. I will add the little survey thing and all that when I get to my laptop possibly tomorrow.

Enjoy this bump comparison of 10, 20, 30, and 40 weeks. I will likely play around with more of my bump pics, but I made this one quickly on my phone :P

39w3d

I have been SO lazy about updating my blog. If anyone cares, I'm sorry :P We are just trucking along. I have had maybe 3 contractions over the past week lol. I was closed, my cervix was hard to reach, and I was "just beginning to thin" at my appt last Friday despite all of the EPO I have been consuming since 36w.

Keith is home so we're just [not so] patiently waiting for Jill's arrival over the next few weeks. He's on leave and I am absolutely loving it! I've been missing him like crazy and it's awesome to have him home all day with me. We have been walking as much as possible and have plans to continue to get out and walk as much as we can until baby Jill decides she's ready to come.

I have another appt Friday and we will do the first NST. My doctor uses my LMP so they consider me 40w tomorrow so I think I will have several appts next week including a biophysical ultrasound. From what I understand, they will be doing a semi-in-depth u/s to check out position, fluid, practice breathing, the placenta, cord, etc and they score her out of 8 (8 being the best) to make sure she's okay and safe on the inside. Obviously, if anything looked to be going south then we'd discuss induction, but hopefully she's happy and healthy and comes on her own. I'm not wanting to induce at all. I just anticipate it being harder and longer labor.

I'm kind of calm about labor and delivery. I've been pretty scared for the past few weeks/months and now I'm just kind of ready (at least as ready as I can be). I don't think there's anything else I can do to prepare mentally bc I've never been through it before. I've kind of given up mental control I guess lol.

I am beyond excited about moving soon! We have started looking at some places online and I'm so ready to get out of this sea of red in this apartment lol! We bought a new couch yesterday and I can't wait for it to be delivered tomorrow! I have been pinteresting some different ideas for decor for our living room. I hope it all turns out!

How far along? 39w3d
Total weight gain/loss? I'm too lazy to go look. I think I'm in the upper 140s or 150ish
Stretch marks? Covered in them :P
Sleep? I don't have bad insomnia right now, but I still have super broken sleep bc my hips and crotch hurt and I pee a million times. I will take whatever I can get lol
Best moment last week? Keith is home!!!
Movement? Still have my little alien in there moving up a storm
Food cravings? My cravings have pretty much stopped the past few weeks
Belly button in/out? I doubt it'll pop. It is pretty much flat and I doubt it'll change much in the next few days/weeks
Braxton Hicks/contractions? I've had a few BHs/contractions, but nothing consistent
What I miss: Having my body to myself
What I am looking forward to: Meeting my sweet girl!
Milestones: my last milestone is her birth.. That is crazy!

38w4d

39w1d

 

DIY: Small Wetbags

This is an easy peasy craft, and, with coupons, is SUPER cheap compared to buying small wetbags for your diaper bag. You can use them for soiled diapers or clothes. You can even take them to the beach/pool and throw the wet bathing suit in it so you don't get your diaper bag wet (and it is a ton cuter than using grocery bags!). In total, I spent $20 for the material to make three wetbags and I bought myself a new rotary cutter (I already had thread so I didn't need to purchase that, but you can use any color bc no thread shows on the finished product anyways). The wetbags I was looking at were about $10 a piece and the prices can go up to about $20 depending on brands.

My wetbags are about 12x10-10.5in (width by height.. right? lol)

Supplies:
PUL fabric
Regular cotton fabric
Zipper
Thread, pins, scissors, the usual

I was lazy and bought the 3-pack of cute prints of PUL by babyville at Jo-ann's. I am fairly certain you can buy PUL cheaper by the yard or possibly online, but I was lazy and a few cents or dollars was worth the convenience of having pre-cut PUL. It is 21x24in.

Most basic cotton fabric for quilting or whatever comes b/w 42-45in in width so I got 1/2 yd of one fabric and then a fat quarter that is 18x22in so I had enough cotton fabric to make three bags since I had three pieces of PUL.

The babyville packaging says to iron the PUL on the non-shiny side of the PUL on the cotton setting with steam evenly before using.

Step one: Cut the PUL and the cotton to be 21in by the length of the entire zipper fabric (so not the size of the metal zipper part (which mine is a 12in zipper), but from end to end of the whole piece (it adds about an inch and a half to the total width, but I didn't measure. I just marked the end of the zipper piece and cut)

The white fabric in this tutorial is the PUL fabric and the zebra is the cotton

Step two: Place the cotton fabric on top of the PUL so it is touching the non-shiny side of the PUL. You want the right side of the fabric up and the shiny side of the PUL on the opposite side (so when we fold it in half, the shiny side is the inside of the bag and the cotton fabric is showing the pretty side)
Step three: Once you get it lined up pretty well, pin the zipper right side down (take note of the picture so you can see what I mean)

Notice how the top of the zipper is facing the right side of the cotton fabric. This is so the rough edges of the fabric don't show

Step four: Sew this side of the zipper on after pinning

Step five: Next, you are going to pull the cotton and PUL straight and pin down each side (this is so the fabrics don't shift when we fold it over. You don't HAVE to do this step, but it should make your life easier.

Step six: Fold the fabrics up so that the cotton is on the inside and the PUL shiny side is facing out. Pin the zipper the same way you pinned it the first time.

Step seven: Sew what you just pinned. Make sure you are only sewing one side of the zipper, cotton and PUL and not accidentally sewing all 6 layers together.

Unzip the zipper a bit to make things easier when we go to turn the bag right side out.

Step eight: Line up the top fabrics where the zipper is sewn on and pin down the edges. Try to pin VERY close to the edge bc you don't want holes in your bag (we are going to sew on the inside of the pins so that the pin holes won't be in the bag)

Step nine: Sew

Step ten: Trim the excess seams (not too close to the seam bc you don't want to cut the thread or get rips/holes) and turn the bag right-side out. You now have a cute wetbag!

If you get patterned PUL and cheap solid cotton fabric, you can see the pattern through and I think it is pretty cute!

37w1d

I am writing this post from my phone, so I will have to add the fruit and probably fix formatting a bit another day.

Baby Jill is now considered full term. Basically, from what I understand, that means her organs should be able to fully function on the outside without any medical help. Obviously all babies don't come out completely healthy and perfect so I am assuming that a majority of babies are good to go at 37w with no NICU time. This is a huge relief to me bc I'd be a wreck if I had Jill now bc Keith is gone and I wouldn't know what to do if he was gone and Jillian had to be in the NICU. Keep baking baby girl! You aren't welcome in the real world for a few more weeks!!

I can finally say that Keith is gone. It was really tough saying goodbye this time. He got to come home from work before they left for a few hours so we went out and got lunch and did a couple errands and I was completely fine. I thought he'd leave and I might even get away without crying. Then, he got in the shower right before I had to take him to base and it hit me. I couldn't stop bawling. Telling myself that it was only a few weeks wasn't helping. All I could picture was me giving birth to Jill and him missing out on the end of my pregnancy and the magic of meeting her at the same time as me. On the way to base, he kept rubbing my belly and talking to Jill trying to get her to move for him. It was breaking my heart imagining that this could have been the last time he'd get to do that. I cried a lot on that car ride and on the way home by myself and on and off the rest of the night.

Waking up the next day was much much easier! I should have known that the first night would have been the hardest. I am doing much better now that it has been a few days. It isn't like I haven't done this many times before. I sleep alone a few nights a week when he works long duty shifts anyways. This is totally doable. My main thing now is just boredom. I am alone with the dog 24/7. So far, I have used the time alone to be very productive. I have been slacking on cleaning lately bc I knew I'd be bored when Keith left. The length of my "done" list is insane. I think a part of me is nesting bc I have been cleaning things I hadn't really thought of cleaning before (like scrubbing the wall behind the trash can or the legs of the table and the chairs). So far, I have scrubbed the microwave, the kitchen cabinets, the kitchen floor, the outside of the fridge (I did the inside not long ago), the entryway floors, the downstairs and upstairs bathrooms (including behind the toilets), I dusted the heaters (we have base board heaters), scrubbed the bathroom floors, cleaned our tv stand in our room, wiped down the base of the bed, took apart and cleaned the vacuum, cleaned out the laundry room completely (we always seem to have stray crap in there), put away probably 5 loads of laundry, and I am still not done! My to-do list is awfully short now though lol. I plan on picking up the random things around the house, vacuuming really well (like using the hose to clean under the heaters and in corners I don't usually get when just doing basic vacuuming) and then I will room by room shampoo the carpets. The carpets will probably take me a while to do since I'm sure it'll be taxing on my body to push around our huge carpet cleaner. I also think I will clear off the kitchen counters and clean out all of the nooks and crannies and I will wash a few of Jills bottles once I figure out where I can store them (we have the worlds smallest kitchen with no cabinet space at all.. We still have a decent amount of our dishes packed away).

So, that whole long post about moving to NY and strollers and shit was all a waste. True to Navy/military fashion, plans were changed again. Actually, Keith gave me the news only a few hours after I posted earlier this week.. Tonight, Keith told me in an email that we have actual orders (which is like the final word on something and means it is official and not just talk) to report to Charleston, SC in early June. Hopefully, that means we will be moving in early May. You are supposed to get 30 days of leave when you transfer, but who knows. I try not to count on too much until it happens lol. I guess I will be keeping that huge jogging stroller and getting Jillian a bathing suit! I wish I knew what size to expect her to be bc I saw the cutest bathing suits at the mall the other day!

So moving down South and moving a little less than 2 months later than I expected has me super excited! Hopefully we will have a good routine with Jill down feeding-wise by the time we have to make the 15hr drive with her (I am sure it'll be much longer). I am hoping that gives me plenty of time to build up a decent stash of breast milk to make traveling a bit easier. It should also give us time to take leave and go to IL so Keith's family can meet the baby.

Well, not much else is going on and it is getting pretty late so I need to try to sleep. I plan on writing my shower thank you notes finally tomorrow (I had been really slow at getting the list of gifts from my friend and I have been hoarding tasks to make the weeks when Keith is gone go by faster)


How far along? 37w1d
Total weight gain/loss? I weighed 146.5 this morning. I'm guessing that could be from all of the exercise I got in NYC?
Stretch marks? The itchiness under my bump is officially stretch marks. Thankfully, they aren't purple, but there are 4 or 5 of them
Sleep? I am still miserable. I am trying to sleep in on purpose to get as much sleep as possible before a baby prevents me from ever sleeping in again
Best moment last week? I found out I'm GBS negative! (Lol last week was clearly not terribly great)
Movement? She hasn't moved a whole bunch today and yesterday, but I have also been moving around a bunch so I might just not be noticing it. It isn't so little that I'm concerned or anything though
Food cravings? My cravings have pretty much stopped the past few days/week
Belly button in/out? The top third or half of my belly button is usually out, but if she changes positions then it pops back in.
Braxton Hicks/contractions? Nothing that I've recognized
What I miss: The bump not making things like washing dishes or getting laundry out of the washer super awkward
What I am looking forward to: Keith coming home and getting this human out (in that order)!
Milestones: my last milestone is her birth.. That is crazy!