I am doing so well this pregnancy. I was so scared the last one. I never got attached. This one has felt different from day 1. I still get scared and have those moments of doubt, but I'd say I'm about 85% positive and only 15% freakout PgAL brain.
I found out that Keith is going to be underway for pretty much my whole pregnancy. I'm kind of scared shitless. What if something happens? I'm alone up here. Thankfully, when I found out last year, my grandma was able to take care of me. My mom and grandma were there while I cried and screamed in my bed. I can still see it and it still makes me cry to think about that day. I still vividly remember every moment from being on that ultrasound table to sitting with the nurse to trying so hard to drive myself home to screaming and crying to going in for surgery and waking up from the anesthesia to going to my grandma's and waiting for Keith to come home from sea so I could tell him the baby died and I just had it sucked out of me all while he was on a submarine thinking everything was a-okay. Oh my god.. what if I have to live with something like that for days or weeks? At least Keith came home the night after I found out and only 10 or so hours after my surgery.
On a lighter note, I called my sister and she said her and Coop would come live with me for a few weeks around my due date in case Keith is underway when I go into labor. I would love to have her by my side. I think she'd be the best labor coach and partner for the natural birth that I want. I think she'd be a great advocate for me and would help me stick to my guns. She's so strong and she's not one to waiver. I'd love having her help me learn how to be a mom for the first few days when family comes in. I know all of this is a long way off and I have plenty of time to let it all sink in and work out the details. Lets just hope that LO doesn't stray to far from his or her due date unless Keith is home :P
Totally unrelated: I'm reading a book called Divergent. I hope it turns out to be good. A lot of people compare it to The Hunger Games. So far, it's a pretty easy read.
Back to the baby talk: I'm going to share some of my crazykakes tests. At this point, I'm just wasting tests because I'm very confident that I don't have to worry about my tests fading out.
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| Yesterday at 17DPO. Today's test line is darker than the control |
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| 4w4d |
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| A dear friend sent us this SOA onesie.. I'm dying at how adorable! |
How far along? 4 weeks and 4 days
Total weight gain/loss? Last I checked, I lost 3-4 pounds. Probably from the lack of booze
Maternity clothes? Not yet. I haven't even felt bloated yet.
Stretch marks? No bloat or belly yet.
Sleep? I am tired All.The.Time. I can take a long nap in the middle of the day and still fall asleep at 10pm and sleep through the night. I'm usually yawning around 10am
Best moment last week? The super super dark lines.
Movement? Not for a while, I'm sure.
Food cravings? I haven't really had any cravings yet.
Gender? No idea but I have strong girl vibes
Belly button in/out? In for a long time.
What I miss: Booze. I don't really miss anything too much.
What I am looking forward to: I don't know. I want first tri to hurry up, but I'm really enjoying being pregnant. I am so incredibly happy. I haven't made an appointment yet because I'm going to switch my insurance hopefully tomorrow (and I think it takes 10 days to switch over) so it'll be a while until I even have a date to count down to. I'm fine with that. I don't really want to see a doctor until 9 weeks or later anyways. I'd actually be okay not having an u/s until 20w. I'm thinking of buying a doppler towards the end of this month.
Milestones: I passed my latest loss's milestone. I lost my last at 4w2d. My next milestone will be to make it past 8w5d. I hope to be able to find the hb on the doppler around that time.
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